Seeking help
Two years ago, I decided that I would make an effort to save myself, and to go and get help. At that time, I was living back at home with my parents and really had nothing going for me at all. I had no job. I had no friends. I had no girlfriend. I felt some mysterious force steering me towards failure. The world seemed cruel and unforgiving.
The rest of my family could not understand why I just couldn’t get myself together. I didn’t discuss my SA with them because I knew that there was no way they could relate to my problem. So, I allowed them to think of me as lazy with no ambition - a bum who was sponging off of our parents – the family embarrassment.
Getting help was mainly painless. I went to see my family doctor and we had a discussion about my SA. It was obvious that he didn’t understand, but that didn’t stop him from giving me a referral to a qualified psychiatrist. Within two weeks, I was sitting in his office spilling my guts about how horrible my life had been.
He started by giving me a standard questionnaire. It asked about my family history, whether I had ever been in jail, had I ever attempted suicide, and that sort of thing. It was very general and I assumed that it was simply standard procedure and that we would get into specifics afterwards. To my amazement, he seemed to know nothing about social anxiety. Judging by the questions he asked, he seemed to be unclear as to what I was saying and seemed to concentrate on my depression. Yes, I was depressed, but that was only a symptom of the real problem: SA.
However, he did do me two favors. First, he gave me a prescription for Paxil. Second, he referred me to a psychologist who dealt with social anxiety and had experience with CBT and group therapy.
The Paxil kicked in after about a month. It took the edge off and I felt like I could relax a little for the first time in my life. However, I started not to care about anything. I became complacent and felt as though I had lost interest in many things that were important to me. I also had some physical side effects that were tough to deal with.
The psychologist had a much better grasp of my problem. I felt as though he actually understood what I was saying – though not as well as a fellow SA sufferer. He started me on CBT therapy and I took part in several group sessions with other people who suffered from social phobia.
This went well and it gave me a leg up in my struggle. It was great to actually meet others face-to-face and compare notes, so to speak. Up until now, I assumed that I was unique in my thoughts and feelings and this made me feel different from everyone else on the planet. Talking to others and taking part in the group therapy made me feel a whole lot better.
This gave me the courage to move out of my parent’s house and try something on my own once more. However, I didn’t want to land back in the frying pan. My previous job was just too much to handle – meetings, presentations, and a lot of personal interaction and expectations were way too much for me at this point – a recipe for disaster. I needed a job where I could re-group and plan my strategy. I needed a low-profile position where the expectations from an interactive standpoint where minimal.
I applied for a job as a food prep person. The manger wasn’t going to hire me because my resume didn’t match the job. He looked at me suspiciously and asked why a university graduate with 4 years of IT experience would want to work in his little kitchen. We had a chat and I opened up a little. I explained my problem to him as best I could. Afterwards, he said that his instincts told him not to hire me – certain that I would be gone in a month, but that I sounded sincere and he would cut me some slack. I started the next day and have been there since.
The job is boring and repetitive. It pays only better than minimum wage. However, it is low pressure, low profile and allows me time to think about things and plan my next move.
One Response to “Seeking help”
I am in the same boat as you.. I live with my parents .. I quit High School due to just problems with teachers, I had SA .. I never wanted to go to school and now I”m sitting here at the age of 21 with no life, no friends, no job or education.. I totally understand where your coming from. I wish getting help was easier said then done.
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