Origins

Is social anxiety disorder a chemical imbalance? Is it genetic? Is it environmental? Is it a combination of the two? I don’t know, and what’s more, I doubt if the experts know either.

I tend to think of my SA as a little of both. However, I lean towards the chemical imbalance. I say this because I have had social anxiety for my entire life. As far back as I can remember. I was shy from day one, way before I had a chance to be influenced by any external forces.

As a very young child, I can remember hiding in a closet if the doorbell rang. I did not talk to anyone but my parents, and this was way before I started interacting, or not interacting, with other children. I can only remember people commenting on how shy and quiet I seemed to be.

So, you could say that at this point in my life, I was already socially phobic. Although it was probably not as bad as I remember. I’m sure that as the “environmental” influences kicked in, it started to get much worse. However, I doubt if any traumatic experiences sparked SA. It was already there, and I am almost 100% sure of that.

Now, if it truly were a chemical imbalance, then one would assume that it couldn’t be “unlearned.” That mean’s that any form of therapy would always be limited by genetics. So, having said that, maybe I’m punishing myself for nothing. As I’ve said in my previous posts, you are who you are.

That doesn’t mean that there is no hope. I mean, there’s always room for improvement. It’s just that if I try to compare myself with, and compete against, someone with a more normal brain chemistry, then I will always lose – and life is too short to try and change the unchangeable. I’ll never be a professional athlete and I’ll probably always be socially phobic to some degree, that’s a genetic fact, like it or not.

The only real hope I have is to reverse the environmental influences that have contributed to make this condition worse than it would have been on it’s own. As far as totally eliminating social anxiety from my life? Well, deep down, I know that that’s never going to happen. It’ll never be gone entirely, all I can hope for is to find a way to manage it better.

Maybe I can find a drug that I can actually handle. I haven’t managed that so far, but who knows. Perhaps a delicate combination of drugs and therapy is the answer, I don’t know.

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