Social feedback and truth - part 5 and 6
Throughout my life, I have spent hundreds of hours listening to tapes and reading books on social anxiety and personal development. While I’ve become very well-read on the subject, I have had limited success in trying to program my sub-conscience with positive self-talk.
It’s not from lack of trying – I have made this a number-one priority. I’ve spent days upon days, trying to “talk” myself into what I considered to be a more “normal” state of mind, only to be left with an empty feeling, as though nothing had been absorbed. I would start this cycle repeatedly, and with high hopes, only to fail miserably every time.
In my case, it seemed that the brain was a little more perceptive than I realized. I could force-feed myself hours of positive affirmation and self-talk, but because my brain knew it was not a proven fact, it simply ignored most of it, and absorbed nothing. There was no way that I could re-program my belief system this way.
What was missing? Why could I not program myself in this manner? Wouldn’t you think that after hours and days of feeding the sub-conscious positive messages, that it would slowly pick up on some of it? The fact is that the brain craves something that is not present in self-talk and positive affirmation – truth.
I realized that after any social encounter, conclusions were made and truths were determined. The brain took into account all aspects of the encounter – facial expressions, verbal and body language of others and, using its belief system, derived what it considered, truth.
But, was the truth always accurate? No, far from it, however, the important thing was that the brain truly believed that it was absolute and indisputable.
Maybe I detected a little sarcasm in someone’s voice. Perhaps I heard others laughing close by, while I attempted to mingle at a party. I might have been in the middle of a conversation with someone, and that person ended it abruptly. I would enter a room and it seemed like everyone stopped talking and gave me the once over. I would attempt a conversation only to be greeted with short, quick, disinterested responses.
This was the only thing needed to derive negative truths from a situation. What more proof did the brain need? The actions (or perceived actions) of people was all that was needed to firm-up already biased beliefs. “They must be laughing at me – there is no other explanation – there is something odd about me.” “He or she finds me boring, so they make an excuse to leave.” “This person greeted my conversation with a frown and short, abrupt responses, so they believe I’m not worthy of a conversation.”
Once this external input was run through my warped belief system, truth would be derived. Indisputable, unquestionable, truth – this is what the sub-conscience believed, and this is what would further alter my programming.
At last, something the brain could absorb – undeniable truth. It was just unfortunate that it happened to be somewhat biased and entirely negative.
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