Faking confidence
When I started high school, I decided that I would become someone different. After all, no one knew me – our family just moved into the area – it was like wiping the slate clean and starting from scratch. I practiced all summer – things like positive self-talk, smiling, and acting more confident. I thought of some of my favorite people, whose confidence I admired, and tried to mimic their traits.
Although I felt an incredible anxiety that first day, I was determined to go through with it. I forced myself to act like someone with tons of confidence. This fictional character, which I had made up, approached others and attempted to mingle and start conversations, acted like everyone was a long lost friend, and strutted down the halls with, what must have been, this insane grin. It took every ounce of determination that I could muster, but it had zero impact. Those whom I approached and attempted to start conversations with, either looked at me with amusement, or mumbled a few words and wandered off - I lasted about a half day. Once I was in amongst my classmates, the old feelings of anxiety and insecurity took over.
What I didn’t realize back then, was that people tend to pick up on many different aspects of one’s character pretty much immediately. I thought I was fooling them, but there were certain things about myself that I could not hide. Nervous glances, shallow conversation, and blushing incidents, were all hints that I was not really who I pretended to be. As hard as I tried, I could not suppress the real me – and everyone seemed to pick up on that without much trouble.
I learned two very important lessons that day.
One, was that human beings have the ability to read others on many levels – some, we may not even be aware of – it’s just that “hunch” we sometimes get.
Two, was that it is extremely difficult to mask your true personality and to assume confidence (or any character trait really) simply by forcing yourself into the role. Your true self will always show through and will also be obvious to others.
For me, true change had to come from within. As long as I held a low opinion of myself, others would do the same.
One Response to “Faking confidence”
Hi Drew,
I’m 17 and have social anxiety, and I can see it slowly taking control of my life. I’m a high achiever, have strong people skills, and am popular with my friends, despite this I have an overwhelming fear of any outside of school social interaction. I happily spend my weekends alone, studying. I know you wrote this article in retrospect, but I nearly cried reading it - to read about somebody who has been through what I am, was special, thank - you so much.
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