Social anxiety - a great career killer

In 2002 I had reached the end of my rope. Extreme anxiety became an all too familiar part of my day. I had gone as far as I could in my company. Faking my way as far as I could - and even my finely tuned avoidance techniques were no longer effective. I didn’t belong there. I felt as though I had no real foundation to sustain my position.

I quit, what most would describe as, a good job and a promising career. Many would consider me lucky to have landed such a cushy job with a large corporation. Unfortunately, when you go to work each day full of fear, anxiety, and full-blown panic, it’s anything but cushy.

My social anxiety had gotten to the point that I literally couldn’t function at all. I was missing meetings, I would call in sick frequently, and I stopped talking altogether - unless I had to speak with a customer. I thought I would get over this slump, but it continued to get worse – and I’m sure people noticed.

Things came to a horrible climax when, one day, I simply knocked on my boss’s door – red faced, shaking, and voice quivering – with my resignation in hand, and said that I would be leaving in two weeks. He asked me to sit down and have a chat, but I simply walked away. I was overwhelmed with agonizing anxiety. Later, I told him that I didn’t want anyone to know about this until the last day. I didn’t want a send off or a going away party – I just wanted to leave quietly.

I felt like I had just jumped off a cliff and there was no going back. I had just thrown my life away. My safety net was gone. “Would I end up on the streets?” “How does a social phobic person stand on a street corner and beg for money?” I felt that I really, really screwed things up.

I couldn’t stop the negative thoughts from rushing into my head. I mean, I always thought of quitting, but now I’d really gone and done it. “Wait until my family finds out.”

It’s hard to describe the incredible anguish I felt. For the next month I was unable to sleep at night, and during the day I couldn’t turn off the flood of negative thoughts. I had proved to myself, once again, what a total loser I really was. I had nothing now – I had no one – just me and my empty life. Chalk up another failure for the social introvert.

I got help from my brother and moved back into my parents’ house on a “temporary” basis. I believe that my entire family thought I lost my mind. They didn’t know what to do with me. Everyone started being overly nice – as though I was ready to snap. They didn’t want to upset me and make things worse.

How could things be any worse?

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