Breaking my routine

Before I could think about tackling my social anxiety problem, I had to break the incredibly monotonous routine I had adopted. First of all, I had to get out of the house. As humorous as this may sound, my first order of business was to simply get outside.

So I made up a schedule that I was determined to follow. This had nothing to do with curing my anxiety; it was simply created to stir up my routine. I had no idea were it would lead, but if I could at least get myself outside, I knew it would be a good start.

Basically, the plan was very low-key. It had nothing to do with social interaction at all (otherwise, I would have been too anxious to follow through with it), just a schedule of activities and tasks that would allow me to break out of my normal mode. At this point, I was really flying by the seat of my pants – I had no idea where this would lead.

I spent a few hours making up a schedule that I would try to follow for the next few weeks – just to see where it would lead. It involved things like:

- Getting up much earlier in the morning and taking a walk before breakfast.
- Doing chores around the house.
- Avoiding my room until bedtime.
- Going out for a meal.
- Phoning an old friend.

The alarm went off the next morning at 6 am. My first thoughts were that this was a pointless endeavor, and nothing could really be gained from it. I knew I had to resist the rationalizing self-talk and try harder. My body/brain had adapted to this lifestyle and it seemed to like it – it wasn’t going to give it up just like that.

Once I was outside and strolling down the street at 6:30 am, I felt pretty good. The town was deserted and the few people that I ran into looked at me with peculiar glances. I’m sure they were just trying to figure out who I was – small town nosiness, no big deal.

For the next two weeks, I concentrated on keeping busy with activities that I would not have normally been engaged in. It was hard to break my routine - it took a lot of self-awareness. Old habits are hard to break.

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