The real price of social anxiety
Social anxiety disorder has contributed towards a lifetime of pain and suffering. There is the obvious anxiety, fear, low self-esteem and depression that I have had to deal with all my life, but it has also taken a toll in a slightly less obvious way.
Up until now, this condition was left to run unchecked. It delayed, and in some cases, prevented many normal events from taking place in my life. I feel that I have either missed out completely, or started way too late in most cases. In fact, It’s as though I’m just getting started. Whoever coined the phrase, “better late than never” certainly was the eternal optimist – I, on the other hand, tend to be a little more realistic.
At age 35, I consider myself to be very immature. No, I don’t act like a teenager, it’s not that obvious. I suppose it really comes down to “feeling” immature compared to others my own age. Sure, I went out and got a good education, but when it actually came time to use it, I buckled under the pressure. There are guys my age that are so far ahead of me in terms of career and finances – not to mention, areas involving social status, romance, marriage, mortgage, kids, etc. In fact, I know people my age that have become doctors, lawyers, corporate VP’s, and other high profile professionals.
Although I feel that I am well on my way to a life free of social anxiety, most of the damage is already done. I mean, there are only so many prime years to build a career, develop relationships, start a family, pay off a house, or save for retirement. My social phobia has stopped this normal development dead in its tracks.
I’m sorry if I’m depressing anyone that is in my exact situation, but pretending that it doesn’t exist also prevents me from moving on. As they say, “it could be worse.” I could be 30 years older and still crippled with SA.
So, the solution is obvious: get on with life, and try to have fun playing catch-up. What other choice do I have? Ok, so I didn’t follow the ideal path, but who says that I can’t still have a happy, fulfilling life? Sure, I wasted a lot of prime years, but there is a whole lot more ahead – good years, free of fear and anxiety. It’s my choice as to how I want to spend them.
Part of my new philosophy is that I refuse to get bogged down thinking and obsessing about negative things that have already happened and are out of my control. This is a total waste of energy and only serves to make one feel bad about oneself.
The only value in contemplating such events, is the lesson that is waiting - ready to be uncovered. I have already wasted many years worrying and obsessing about the past. “Learn the lesson and move on,” is my new motto.
3 Responses to “The real price of social anxiety”
Wow, I COMPLETELY relate… I didn’t discover or treat my anxiety problems until I was 28, and it’s very hard to move forward with the awareness that I missed out big-time for 28 years…
Try 37 years. I am reading this website from my parents basement after failing miserably “on the outside.”
I too feel like I have missed out on life and am immature compared to others my age. I stopped developing as a person after high school and I might as well have been in jail for the last 20 years.
This of course makes it even more difficult to have conversations with people because I can’t relate to anyone my own age. I have more in common with a 16 year old than a 37 year old.
Hi Drew;
I am almost 39 years old. Although I did manage to get married and have children my SA has still prevented me from making any friends over the past 10 years or so. I have become more and more withdrawn. I avoid people more and more..I am getting fed up about going to work. I do feel like a child or a teenager most of the time..like I never really moved on with my life.
I keep hoping that some miracle drug is invented which could cure us but I doubt that this will happen. Best of luck to you and keep up the good work.
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