-Drew
Something was missing. I had just spent the better part of a week contemplating my situation and still couldnt put my finger on the reason for my failure. One thing was certain – It would take more than exposures (no matter how small) to break this cycle. I thought I was on the right track with my incubation approach – and I actually was – its just that I hadnt prepared myself personally. (more…)
I spent the next few days in a foul mood – feeling sorry for myself and not venturing past the front steps of my parents house. I was so tired of the same old feeling of defeat – just really, really tired. Nothing ever seemed to work out as planned. Reality just always seemed to put a damper on things. (more…)
Although the exposures were minimal (making eye contact and saying hi to strangers), the anxiety was just as bad – and whats more, I didnt feel any different afterwards. I was back to square one – I hadnt changed a thing.
Sure, I forced myself to speak to people, and tried to maintain some sort of normality, but it felt awkward, forced, and entirely fake. It simply wasnt me – plain and simple. I felt that this just wasnt my personality, and thought that others would be able to tell as well. (more…)
After a few weeks of experimenting in the incubation level, I felt as though nothing had changed. Yes, I had managed a few low-level exposures around town and got varying responses from people, but nothing spectacular. I dont know what I was expecting, but it seemed as though my social phobia was still running the show – Nothing was different. (more…)
The day I started the levelsĀ approach in my battle with social anxiety, was the day I started feeling better and feeling that I just might be on the verge of a promising future – really, even at 33! Looking back now, I saw a change in my demeanor and I can honestly say that I was more exited about changing my life than I had ever been. For once, I truly believed that change was possible. (more…)
The incubation stage was very low-key. There was very little pressure here, so it was actually enjoyable in many ways. In fact, the reason this level even existed, was so that I could let loose, mix it up, experiment, fall down, and then do it all over – All this in a very safe environment. (more…)
I woke up the next morning determined to make a difference. Realizing how much of my life had been wasted (especially the last year), I felt a sense of urgency to try to get things sorted. I was hitting my mid thirties, time was running out, and I could not allow social anxiety disorder to steal any more of my life. (more…)
The problem in having to deal with the rest of the world was that I had little or no control over things. Life just went along its merry way regardless of what I did. I had little influence.
Most of the time, I was in over my head (or at least thats how it felt). I felt ill equipped to deal with anything other than the most basic situations. I was always so anxiety ridden that I didnt have a chance to stop and analyze things. Had I been able to do this, I would have interpreted things a little differently – Im sure of this. I was so worried about how I looked and acted, and of how I appeared to others, that I was just a freaked out bundle of nerves -and I know this was noticeable to others. (more…)
Most self-help books and tapes advocate the slow approach – and after several failed exposure attempts, I knew that it would also be mine. However, it would have to be more than that – I would not only have to start slow, but Id have to create a small, customised and controlled environment – and have total control over it in the beginning. This would be a challenge, since life does happen, and not always according to plan. (more…)
Once again, I was back at square one. I needed a starting point and some sort of plan. Anything would do for now, as long as it got me moving – I could tweak it later. The last six months had not been a total waste. I learned a lot about myself. For example, I could waste a lot of time doing nothing unless I actually forced myself into action. (more…)
