Micro-encounters and boundaries
Most self-help books and tapes advocate the slow approach - and after several failed exposure attempts, I knew that it would also be mine. However, it would have to be more than that – I would not only have to start slow, but I’d have to create a small, customised and controlled environment - and have total control over it in the beginning. This would be a challenge, since life does happen, and not always according to plan.
I wanted to create an environment where I could determine the level of potential anxiety. I needed to start with a sure bet. The key here was to minimize the chance of negative feedback. I could manage this if I had total control over the social exposure.
During these “minor” encounters I would:
Establish absolute boundaries, and stay within them at all costs
Keep meticulous track of details and write things down if needed
Really, really open my eyes and try to be unbiased
Totally block out any distractions
Avoid any social encounters that did not fit within my boundaries at the time
Develop techniques for coping with specific scenarios
Measure any success over a period of time
Master each level before moving on
Learn the lessons
Practice makes perfect – how clique - However, this was exactly what I needed. The big difference would be in how I started getting the practice. Jumping off a cliff until I eventually became better at socializing, was not the answer – in fact, it would do more harm than good. I needed to start nibbling at crumbs – to fly under the radar so to speak – otherwise, I would simply be overcome with anxiety and doomed to fail.
Small effort equals small results, but if I could extract some positive truth from these micro-encounters, and re-program my belief system, it just might pave the way for some real progress.
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