-Drew
I needed to get back to my original plan, which was the incubation stage. I had gotten side-tracked in the past few months, dealing with my appearance. It was time to revisit the slow, tedious task of controlled social interaction, self-awareness, and a gradual shift in my thinking patterns. It was time to get back to work. (more…)
There was no magic formula for overcoming social anxiety. That was the stark reality, and thinking any differently was just wishful. It was easy to imagine gradual social interaction leading to gradual belief reprogramming leading to increased social confidence, and so on, but the reality was that I was up against the very core of my being. This core was very structured and routine and most of the beliefs, thoughts, and reactions were automatic. (more…)
The Saturday barbeque wasnt entirely stress-free. Although I managed to kick my appearance up a notch, the anxiety was almost overwhelming. Nothing had changed inside and it took every last once of willpower to hold things together. The negative self-talk was as strong as ever. I suppose I should have been proud of the way I handled things, considering my self-defeating belief system was unchanged and still very much in control. (more…)
The Saturday get-together was no different than any other. There were 16 people in total - my parents, brothers, spouses, and their kids. I was comfortable with everyone except my brothers wife. She was very assertive and aggressive, and seemed to take pleasure in the fact that I didnt say much. It was a given that she would make a little dig towards me at some point during the outing. I dont know what she got out of it, but she seemed to take great pleasure in belittling me. (more…)
A month earlier, I had attempted socializing with the local townspeople - with less than favorable results - I now know why. It was my appearance and the fact that I had not made a change in myself first. It was the same approach I had been using my entire life. Even though I was making an effort to be friendly and sociable, my facial and body language turned people away. (more…)
If social anxiety disorder could have been conquered by gradually increasing exposures, implementing coping techniques, and building on previous experiences, then I believe I would have overcome my condition much sooner. I would have simply followed the directions, and presto - a new me. (more…)
Enough was enough. I had come to the point where anything would have been better than where I was. I hated being scared and, to tell the truth, it was exhausting. I hated myself for not being able to walk out the front door and use my new skills. I spent a lot of time working on new strategies and techniques to rid myself of this condition, and I was too scared to implement them. What a waste. I really was a loser. I wanted to scream. (more…)
Confident that I could present myself in a more pleasant manner, I started my social experiments in the incubation stage once more. I felt extremely nervous and anxious - I wasnt sure why. Perhaps it was the knowledge of having something real to bring to the table. I now had a workable approach and stood to achieve more than I ever dreamed of. I was on the verge of a life-changing experience, but I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. I feared success and the change it would bring to my life. (more…)
Using the digital camera, and trial and error, I was able to make some significant progress in improving my appearance. I spent countless hours trying this and that - deleting everything, and then starting over - This method eventually allowed me to fine-tune my image and link this to my subconscious - where I could call upon it at any time. In other words, I now had a very good idea how to smile appropriately, and what I looked like. I wouldnt be second-guessing my look in public - and that was a huge relief. (more…)
If a smile is a reflection of ones mood, how does one cope with social interaction when feeling down and depressed - when the last thing you want to do is smile? Ahh¦there lies the problem. I figured if I could find a way around that, I would be well on my way towards mingling with others. (more…)
