Social interaction - testing the waters

A month earlier, I had attempted socializing with the local townspeople – with less than favorable results – I now know why. It was my appearance and the fact that I had not made a change in myself first. It was the same approach I had been using my entire life. Even though I was making an effort to be friendly and sociable, my facial and body language turned people away.

However that was me – for better or worse. That was my built-in routine for social interaction. It was not ideal, but it was at least real. I was comfortable, to a certain extent, with this approach.

Greeting people with a smile was not me. In fact, smiling in public (or any other place), was not me. And even though I now had a reasonable smile – one that I knew would pass in a social setting, I was still the same on the inside. My belief system hadn’t changed, and I still had low self-esteem.

So, there were very few options. In order to leap over that gorge, I would have to force myself to use this “new look” in public. Honestly, I was never so scared in all my life. I felt ill-equipped to handle the demands that would be put upon me. If I gave up, then I would forfeit all the hard work I had done in the past year and would simply vanish into the background of society – out of sight and out of mind.

I decided to try my new skills at a backyard barbeque later that week. It was at my brother’s place and only my immediate family would be there. Yeah, I know it wasn’t much of a challenge, but it gave me an opportunity to test the waters. If I got any strange looks, I’d know that my approach was wrong.

It was Friday night (the barbeque was the next day) and I was extremely nervous. I always felt a little anxiety before a get-together (even a family event) - however, this time I felt an almost all-out panic. These were untested waters and the outcome would be anyone’s guess.

Everybody would expect me to be my normal self - shy, quiet, reserved, straight-faced - so this would be interesting.

My approach had to be low-key, however. A total transformation in personality would set off alarm bells in those who knew me best. I would have to be very discreet and subtle, to say the least.

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