Chipping away at social anxiety

There was no magic formula for overcoming social anxiety. That was the stark reality, and thinking any differently was just wishful. It was easy to imagine gradual social interaction leading to gradual belief reprogramming leading to increased social confidence, and so on, but the reality was that I was up against the very core of my being. This core was very structured and routine and most of the beliefs, thoughts, and reactions were automatic.

Throwing a wrench into the works sounded like a good idea, but that wrench turned out to be woefully inadequate. It barely caused the massive social anxiety machine to hiccup. I needed a bigger wrench or more of them – or perhaps I just needed a lot more patience.

The barbeque went ok, but the results I received were tainted. Why? - Because I manipulated things in my favor. It was a lock – a sure thing. The positive input I got was fixed in my favor. Granted, I did have to deal with my sister in law. She could have easily represented a tough social situation – so, in a way, having her there was actually therapeutic for me.

But what was the alternative? Was I to throw myself in the midst of a high-pressure social encounter? No, that would have only resulted in an overwhelming amount of negativity and stress - that would do more harm than good.

What was wrong with me?

The answer was impatience. I was too impatient and I was expecting too much, too soon. I was on the right track, however hopeless it seemed. I now realize that, at the time, there was really only one way to defeat SA - and that was little by little – bit by bit, over time. Time was a key factor here because I didn’t have any heavy artillery - I needed lots of time to chip away at the problem.

The solution was obvious. I needed to stay the course, celebrate my achievements, and learn from my disappointments. I just needed to stay with it…

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