The incubation stage - Revisited

I needed to get back to my original plan, which was the incubation stage. I had gotten side-tracked in the past few months, dealing with my appearance. It was time to revisit the slow, tedious task of controlled social interaction, self-awareness, and a gradual shift in my thinking patterns. It was time to get back to work.

Although I felt like a failure most of the time, I didn’t think my efforts were wasted. I knew I was on the right track – it would just take a determined effort to get there. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy – or so they say.

So, back in the incubation stage, I had a list of tasks that I would attempt to complete everyday. It was easy to become lazy and complacent, but that was a major part of the problem - I couldn’t let my auto-thoughts and responses run the show.

I set a routine for myself and vowed to stick to it. Things had to be structured – I couldn’t just depend on myself to get out and accomplish something on a whim.

Some tasks on my list:

• Walking straighter and looking around more
• Really looking at others to catch a glimpse of their expressions
• Smiling more (when appropriate of coarse)
• Saying hello to people
• Remembering names after introductions
• Attempting small talk
• Forcing myself to look at others around me when I felt that I was being evaluated
• Trying to be kinder and more understanding towards others
• Studying both positive and negative results/feedback. Non-biased evaluation
• Learning the lesson and moving on. I had to stop obsessing over the negatives

Additionally, I didn’t cross any of the boundaries I had set for myself. I had to master this stage completely before I could move on. For example, I didn’t approach gorgeous girls and ask them out because this would have been way beyond where I was. I would be setting myself up for a huge letdown because I didn’t possess the skills to operate at that level yet.

Working with those tight restrictions was difficult, especially as I improved my skills. The more masterful I became in the incubation stage, the more I just wanted to bust out and try something new and exciting. A great deal of discipline was needed here as I recall. I had to own this level. I had to master it completely. I would know when the time was right to move on.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here…

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