Archive for June, 2006
Something to smile about
Why did my smile look so unnatural? Initially, I thought it might have been my warped self-perception kicking in, but after careful scrutiny, I came to the conclusion that my “friendly look” was, in fact, very scary looking - and that was the harsh reality. It was unnatural because it was not genuine. I didn’t [...]
Fear of smiling
Of all my negative physical characteristics, my smile had to be the worst. Not that it was so horrible in itself; it’s just that I was more self-conscious about this part of my appearance than any other physical attribute. It was so bad that I’m sure it could have been classified as a separate phobia [...]
Checking my appearance
In order to make any progress with my social anxiety, I knew that I would have to change the way I presented myself. Although I didn’t feel like I had anything to smile or be happy about, I needed to be able to come across in a more relaxed and sociable manner – even if [...]
People watching
I decided that since I had absolutely no idea how to come across to others in a friendly, sociable manner, that I would have to go out and study human interaction for a bit. It all sounds so laughable looking back at it now, but back then, I really needed to see, first hand, what [...]
My “SA” face
My angry, anxious look was not doing it for me – that was obvious. It was, in fact, probably the single biggest reason that people avoided me, and why I always felt excluded and isolated from everyday social interaction. It’s amazing that I didn’t come to this conclusion sooner. Perhaps I knew it all along, [...]
First impressions
It had been a very long time since I was able to let my guard down and mingle with others in a relaxed atmosphere. So long, that I couldn’t remember clearly – hmm, come to think of it, there may have never been a time when I was totally SA free. Perhaps I had dreamed [...]
Self awareness
The events that took place at the mall that day weighed heavily on my mind - and marked a pivotal point in my life. As crazy as that sounds, my situation changed drastically from that point on.
I started to become more aware of myself as a social creature - One who is part of [...]
Outward appearances
The mirror incident completely changed things – it forced me to look at myself as others saw me. That was so critical – I couldn’t believe that I had missed it. It was a harsh reality, but not one that completely took me by surprise. I knew that I was standoffish and a little surly, [...]
A trip to the mall - part 2
I did catch the odd glimpse of people walking past me. Most seemed so happy and care-free. Smiling, laughing and just enjoying life. I envied them – no, I hated them. I don’t use the word “hate” often – and I feel so ashamed about how I used to feel about other non-SA types. Watching [...]