My comfort zone
The incubation stage allowed me to experiment with small, low-pressure social encounters – and that was great. However, I was also very aware of the need to address some of the underlying, automatic anti-social habits/tendencies that ran my life, day in and day out. In other words, I would need to step out of my “comfort zone.”
The comfort zone was familiar and safe. I always seemed to hang out there to avoid the pain of social interaction. Like anyone, I always avoided pain and welcomed pleasure. In fact, we all do this, whether we realize it or not – it’s just human nature. And, to me, any social interaction was painful.
Subconsciously, I always reverted to my comfort zone. Most times, I had no control over this; it was just an automatic function. One of my biggest goals in the incubation stage was to become more aware of when this happened. If I could acknowledge when it was happening, I could replace that automatic thinking with a more manual, realistic replacement.
The comfort zone consisted of both the tangible and intangible. Some habits were simply a state of mind that I would put myself into, while others were actual physical characteristics.
Here are some examples:
1. When passing people on the street, I would always look away and stare at the ground. This was my comfort zone because it felt so much better than walking with my head up and looking at the world around me. This was 100% automatic – I had no control over it.
2. When in a group setting, I always reverted to my comfort zone, which meant avoiding people, avoiding conversations, and just remaining quiet until it was over.
3. Planning my leisure activities to avoid attracting attention. Team sports were out, however, solitary sports such as skiing and golf were ok. In general, I planned an introvert’s lifestyle. I planned to fail socially.
In short, my comfort zone was not doing me any favours (although my subconscious thought it was for the better). I had to break free of this tendency to run away and avoid real life.
It would take a great deal of effort to break free of the self-protection mechanism that had been “looking after me” all these years. It would be unbelievably freighting and uncomfortable to not run and hide until the threat had passed.
I wasn’t sure it could be accomplished, actually…
2 Responses to “My comfort zone”
Hi Drew,
I gotta say, reading your blog is like looking in a mirror for me. I share in much of what you’ve gone through. The three examples you’ve listed in “My comfort zone” are a perfect description of my comfort zone. I too am not at all into team activities, due to my performance anxiety and the fear of failure and letting down the team. I don’t mind things like darts or playing pool because if I lose, the only person I let down is myself.
I just found your blog today and have only read a couple pieces, but will read it through over the course of the next week or two. I’m from Toronto, myself. If it’s okay by you, I’d like to add a link to your blog on my SA blog.
Cheers, and hang in there, you’re not alone.
Dave
Thanks Dave, I appreciate the link! It’s nice to know that there are others that can relate to my story.
Drew
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