How to Conquer Social Anxiety

Eventually, after about an hour and a half of an extremely one-sided conversation, I was saved by the bell. Bills wife phoned him on his cell, and since the party was so loud, he had to excuse himself and take it inside. I was more than ok with this and I quickly walked away from where I had been standing all this time. Again, I had no plan; I just kind of wandered around. The echo of Bills incessant chatter was still rattling my brain. (more…)

Downing two quick beers seemed to take the edge off. However, I had to be mindful of the fact that I could not hold my liquor very well. In the past, I made the mistake of using alcohol as a crutch to get me through social situations, but it always turned out bad. I ended up saying things Id regret later. With that in mind, I forced myself to stop at two for now. I also resisted the urge to walk around with a beer in my hand because I had a tendency to sip it nervously while engaged in a conversation. Not because I craved alcohol, but because it gave me something to do. Well, there was a simple solution to that: I would wonder around with a glass of soda instead- no one would be the wiser. (more…)

Standing in front of the full-length mirror in the downstairs washroom, I felt physically ill. I was overcome with feelings of uncontrollable anxiety that I just couldnt shake. None of my coping techniques were working because the level of social interaction I was being forced to participate in overwhelmed me. I still had an uncontrollable urge to run as far away from this nightmare as I could, but that was not an option. I had to think of a way out. (more…)

After a few minutes, I noticed that people went back to what they were doing before we made our entrance. The pressure eased slightly as they picked up their conversations until the next group of arrivals made their appearance. I was fighting an overwhelming urge to stare at the ground, away from the judging stares of everyone. It seemed that all my training had not made a difference in an environment such as this. It was too much, too soon. I was not able to conduct myself properly because I had no coping skills to deal with this level of social interaction. As a result, my personality shut down - I became very quiet and could not stop staring at the ground. I could not raise my head and look people in the eye. I could not offer a smile or friendly gesture because I was scared out of my wits. (more…)

Walking into the party, I felt pretty vulnerable. It would have been bad enough in the best of circumstances, but now I was fighting one of my black-mood episodes brought on by the car ride over. I thought of bolting just before we got to the house - but where would I go? Leaving now would embarrass my brother and make me look like some kind of nut. I was committed, that was a certainty. (more…)

We headed out to the party at 4pm. It would be an outdoor event with tons of food, beer and a huge pool. Apparently, these get-togethers lasted into the night and early morning. We had to stop along the way and pick up another friend/co-worker and I started to get a bad feeling about the whole thing at that point. It wasnt anything in particular, but just a nagging, uncomfortable feeling. However, that was nothing new, it was just the same feelings of anxiety that Id learned to live with all my life. (more…)

The next big break came months later. I had been diligently following the program I set out for myself - maintaining a minimum number of exposures per day, going that extra step and really pushing myself. I was in a constant state of self-awareness and refused to let the old social anxiety habits take control. I was very aware of my appearance and walked with my head up, smiling at others when warranted (though most times I didnt feel like it). (more…)

It took a long time to realize that being in the right frame of mind played an important role in how I interpreted feedback from the outside world. Quite often, I would miss a positive comment or gesture by others, and at other times, I would overlook the fact that I rose to the challenge and accomplished something positive - all because I was not in a very receptive frame of mind. This generally happened after having a particularly bad day or after surviving some negative social encounter. (more…)

As time went on, I found that I had become comfortable with the exposures I set out for myself in the incubation stage. While I didnt completely own this level, I was, nonetheless, quite comfortable. The very small amount of positive feedback I received, served to re-program my belief system and build my confidence ever so slightly. Although I knew I had a long way to go, I felt a renewed sense of hope and optimism. I finally felt REAL results after months of throwing myself at society and hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel. (more…)

My social experiments in and around town, were going ok. I suppose I had a lot to be proud of, but I didnt give myself credit for much. I was my own worst enemy. However, I did feel that a lot had been accomplished over the last year. I improved my appearance (smiling more naturally), I could walk with my head up and really look at the world around me, and I was much more aware of how I was behaving in public (shy, quiet, introvert behavior was quickly picked up and acted upon). (more…)