The right frame of mind

It took a long time to realize that being in the right frame of mind played an important role in how I interpreted feedback from the outside world. Quite often, I would miss a positive comment or gesture by others, and at other times, I would overlook the fact that I rose to the challenge and accomplished something positive – all because I was not in a very receptive frame of mind. This generally happened after having a particularly bad day or after surviving some negative social encounter.

I was in a bad mood most of the time back then. There was little in my life to really be happy about, I suppose. I felt abused, put-down, and taken advantage of by the rest of society. As a result, I had a massive wall built around me. I trusted no one and always assumed the worst in every situation. People who were genuinely kind and friendly towards me would always be met with suspicion and reluctance.

I couldn’t help it though, this is how I was programmed. Until I was able to make a dent in the social anxiety cycle and start re-programming my belief system, any external feedback would always be processed in a decidedly negative manner.

I was angry at the world and most of the people in it. This anger was in reaction to PERCIEVED wrongdoings from others. The reality was that I was hypersensitive to everyday problems and challenges and the less than ideal responses from people. Looking back now, I realize there was nothing sinister about the way I was being treated by society. There was no conspiracy. Society did not treat me differently - it was my INTERPRETATION that was skewed – nothing more and nothing less.

However, in the rare instance that I was in a good frame of mind, things went well. It was as if social anxiety disorder was a non-issue. Things clicked and I seemed to relate to people at a deeper level. I felt more “accepted.” It was all in the interpretation.

Now, I managed to improve my appearance and, as such, wasn’t scaring people away with my horrible look, but I believe people still picked up on my bad moods and stayed clear. Any negative experience (regardless of how small) would throw me into this “mood.”

What would set off my mood? Well, things like confrontations, embarrassments, being excluded, and social events that went bad.

Once this happened, I wasn’t able to function at all – I just wanted to be left alone. Not only would I turn people off, but also in the event that there was any positive feedback to be had, I would completely ignore it – instead, concentrating only on the negative. I would only be able to see my own shortcomings.

I want to mention that one of my biggest mistakes was in underestimating the perception of society. I discovered that people notice personality traits at many different levels. In other words, I could not hide the fact that I was in one of my moods. I don’t know if it was some negative vibe I was sending out, but it was amazing how people just seemed to be able to pick up on very subtle mood changes – like a sixth-sense. Most times, I knew they sensed something even before I had a chance to speak. Of course, I could never hide my moods. I showed emotion very clearly and noticeably.

I didn’t realize that people were picking up on my bad moods and staying clear of me. Somehow, I thought that I appeared just fine on the surface and that the “mood” was hidden away - invisible to others. That was a mistake.

Therefore, it turned out that my mood played a bigger part than I had imagined. A bad mood would distort otherwise positive feedback from social interactions and, additionally, would tend to drive people away before any interaction could even begin.

I finally made the connection and avoided socializing unless I was in a good (or at least neutral) frame of mind.

Share and Enjoy: