People can be unpredictable - part 2
The stare method works on the premise that all, or most of, the negative feedback in a social situation is false - In other words, created by one’s sub-conscious. It does not work well for situations in which the feedback is real.
Step one in the stare method involves turning off the negative thoughts. It’s not the same as shutting out real input from a real source. This was a hard lesson learned.
The staring and laughing continued on the far end of the patio. It seemed that this woman had found something to amuse herself with. We were inadvertently providing her with entertainment for the evening. It was like grade-school all over again and the school bully (who had found a weak victim) was gleefully taking full advantage.
Now, obviously, I wasn’t concerned about the 120lb drunk woman ( I think I could have taken her *kidding*), but I was concerned about her 6’2, 250 lb boyfriend – not to mention his friend that was just about as big. Obviously, she was taking advantage of the fact that she had all this muscle to back her up.
The smart thing would have been to leave. It was a no-win situation and I should have realized that. However, I had been making some great progress with my social anxiety and I really thought that I could handle any situation, given enough time.
Keep in mind that I had a few drinks under my belt. I don’t think I would have bothered, had I not. However, I did start looking back at her (step 2 of my stare routine) and her demeanor changed from one of amusement to one of puzzlement. I guess she was expecting us to sit there and simply ignore her taunting. The puzzled look quickly changed to anger as she whispered in her boyfriend’s ear.
He interrupted his conversation with his buddy to turn in his chair and give us the evil eye. He started laughing as he made a comment to her about us. I was too far away to hear anything, except the word “faggots,” which he intentionally yelled out. He then looked back at us, but this time it was a more serious, menacing stare.
She continued to look at us, this time with an “I could mess you up with just one word” look.
I continued to stare back and it was obvious that her boyfriend was getting pissed as he looked at us and mouthed the words, “you got a f*cking problem?”
Something about that look scared me and I stopped looking at their table.
For the next 20 minutes, their corner seemed louder and more boisterous. I also heard the words, “dweeb,” “homo,” “losers,” occasionally in the mix. These comments were obviously meant for us to hear. I was panicky at this point because I knew that they were not going to let it go. I wished that somehow Mark and I could just teleport out of the pub. I had really screwed things up.
Analyzing the situation, I reasoned that there was no way Mark and I would stand a chance. Both these guys were huge and either one of them could have beat the crap out of both of us together. I hated feeling weak and helpless, but this situation was not going to go away. My mind was racing for a solution.
We were about halfway through our beer when the big guy staggered to his feet and started heading to the washroom. I only glanced at him for a second, but he caught it. He turned abruptly and headed towards our table.
“Good evening gentlemen. How are you today?” We were both taken back by this almost friendly greeting. We both muttered, “Not bad.” He then went on to say, “Those two girls you’re staring at were wondering if you two were a couple.” He stood there with a drunken smirk waiting for a reply.
Anger coursed through my body as I pictured smashing a bottle over his head. I was visibly trembling, my throat felt as though it had closed tight, my voice was weak, high-pitched and quivering – I hated myself for appearing so weak.
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