-Drew
Our annual Christmas party came complete with a real live Santa. He would make his appearance about midway through the party, toting a bag of gifts for the kids. Santa had a reserved chair where he would take his place and start passing out these toys. Later, he could be seen reading a story to a very captive audience, seated on the floor around him. (more…)
Avoiding social events is what I do best. After years of experience, I have become an expert at side-stepping any situation that involves interacting with more than three people. I am particularly good at sensing any hint of danger associated with such events. Danger would be any chance, however slim, that I would be centered out or put on the spot for whatever reason. Lets just say that I plan my outings very carefully. (more…)
In a previous post, I mentioned that I seemed to have two very different personalities, entirely dependant upon location. There was my at home personality (I considered this to be the real me), and my public personality.
I felt completely relaxed at home. I was witty, fun to be around, and maybe even admired. There was not a hint of apprehension in how I expressed myself, and my own self-perception was very positive. In fact, there were days where I didnt think of my social phobia at all. It was nice to have these mini vacations without my brain going into overdrive and second-guessing every move I made. In the confines of my home, I actually enjoyed being me. My entire perspective on the world, and my place in it, was normal. I felt good about myself.
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Much of my problem stemmed from the fact that I seemed to be too aware of myself and my surroundings. I was hyper-conscious of how I was perceived and how I interacted with others. In fact, so much time was spent analyzing each and every situation that it became tedious, stressful, and laborious to leave the safe confines of my house. Many times, given the choice, I preferred not to put myself through that turmoil and opted to stay in. This made things worse, because I needed real-world practice and exposure to make any improvement. (more…)
Each person I come into contact with has a rating assigned to them by my sub-conscience. Everyone is rated, regardless of their relationship to me. Family members, friends, people on the street, co-workers, authority figures, salespeople, checkout girls, etc¦ Everybody gets a rating. Let me explain: (more…)
My personality would change, depending on whom I was talking to. The approach I used from person to person varied greatly. The way I talked to my mother was different from the way I talked to my friends, my boss, a police officer, or a romantic interest. I was this whole other person from one encounter to the next. In many ways, I allowed people to determine how I felt about myself, and thus, how I interacted with them. Yes, big mistake, I know. Yet, I felt completely obliged to do this.
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Yes, we all love to evaluate people, even if we dont admit it. In fact, most of us are probably unaware that we even do it. What is this need to have someones number; to have them figured out in our heads? Its really like some sort of competition, and were all looking for chinks in the armor. Why? (more…)
Comparing oneself to others is as natural a human trait as eating, breathing, or sleeping. Most often this obsession to compare our strengths and weaknesses against that of other people is an automatic thing. I do it all the time without even thinking about it.
When I meet a person for the first time, I unconsciously have them figured out within seconds. Everything from their physical looks, to their facial expressions, to the way they walk and talk. I immediately classify them according to countless criteria. How I interact with this person will be entirely based upon this evaluation. (more…)
With each passing day, I find my spirits lifting. While I still have a long way to go with my social anxiety problem, I am finding it easier to relate to others and stand my ground when things are less than ideal. In a way, its almost been like the classic snowball effect, where things dont gain momentum until you hit that sweet spot - then watch out. (more…)
Over the past few years, I have built a list of exposure tasks that I engage in. I generally perform these according to the emotional state Im in at the time. However, I always manage to do something each day. For me, thats critical, because if I let things slide, then Ill feel like doing less the next day.
The list varies from easy to incredibly difficult. Keep in mind that the degree of perceived difficulty may differ from person to person. (more…)
