Social evaluation is natural

Comparing oneself to others is as natural a human trait as eating, breathing, or sleeping. Most often this obsession to compare our strengths and weaknesses against that of other people is an automatic thing. I do it all the time without even thinking about it.

When I meet a person for the first time, I unconsciously have them figured out within seconds. Everything from their physical looks, to their facial expressions, to the way they walk and talk. I immediately classify them according to countless criteria. How I interact with this person will be entirely based upon this “evaluation”.

This is not to say that the conclusions I arrive at are accurate. Many times they are not. I rely solely on my own knowledge, experience, and pre-conceived notions. The problem here is that my interpretation is not always correct.

I usually give them a quick “once-over” and compare whatever assets and deficiencies they have against my own. Why do I do this? Well, as far as I can figure, I have a need to establish my social position.

I unconsciously compare looks, intelligence, and abilities at the speed of light, and then govern myself accordingly.

If I feel that this person is “better” than me, in any way, I tend to build walls, and the very familiar cycle of negative thoughts and social anxiety starts to work its magic. All this depends, of course, upon how great the perceived gap is between me and whomever I am comparing myself to. Notice the word, “perceived” here.

I think people have a basic need to establish where they stand in relation to others in social situations. In my case, having very low self-esteem always made me feel inferior to just about everyone I met.

For the longest time, I tried to avoid comparing myself to others, but it couldn’t be done. For me, and I think most of us, it’s just an automatic thing. Besides, I eventually discovered that the problem wasn’t that I was comparing myself to people; it was the way I perceived myself and others.

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