“I totally agree” - yeesh
My personality would change, depending on whom I was talking to. The approach I used from person to person varied greatly. The way I talked to my mother was different from the way I talked to my friends, my boss, a police officer, or a romantic interest. I was this whole other person from one encounter to the next. In many ways, I allowed people to determine how I felt about myself, and thus, how I interacted with them. Yes, big mistake, I know. Yet, I felt completely obliged to do this.
Nowhere was this more noticeable than at a party or family function. During the course of an evening, I would have found myself conversing with no less than 20 different people, and I didn’t use the same “personality” twice. Instead of just being myself, I created someone whom I assumed that other person would enjoy talking to.
While I’m sure that many of us are in the habit of changing the way we converse with others - and for very good reasons (i.e. You wouldn’t use the same language around your kids that you would use around your poker buddies), I changed my personality to please the other person – to avoid saying anything that might offend them – and most of all, to get them to like me.
In short, I completely sold myself out to the other person. I would agree with whatever views they had, even if it went against my own principles.
The funny thing is that I was aware I did this, but felt powerless to stop. Once in a while, I would stand up for myself and put up an opposing view, but I’d quickly dilute my point until I thought I had somehow met the other person halfway. We didn’t want to upset anyone, after all. And goodness knows, I had to have everyone like me.
Selling out your principles is not a good thing. In the end, people will respect you more for voicing your own opinion and sticking with it.
As my confidence increased, I found I was able to hold my own a little better. I didn’t allow myself to be talked into anything, and my conversations were more alive as a result. Now, some family members didn’t like this much, because they were used to dominating the conversations they had with me. I definitely got some strange looks.
Even though they might have been taken back, and maybe a little perturbed at the time, I think they respect me a lot more because of it. At least they know they are having a conversation with the real me, not some timid mouse that agrees with everything just so people will like him.
One Response to ““I totally agree” - yeesh”
Hey Drew “I totally agree”, he he, is amazing the way you get to describe your feelings, I feel identify with it, it is exactly the way I feel. I act in many many different ways and it is because I don’t want to be rejected by anyone, I want everyone to like me.
And you are totally right, one must stand for its own principles, no matter what, and the end people will respect you for that. I really have to work on it and make it conscious permanently.
Thanks for this post, it made my day…
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