A tendency to over-analyze
Much of my problem stemmed from the fact that I seemed to be too aware of myself and my surroundings. I was hyper-conscious of how I was perceived and how I interacted with others. In fact, so much time was spent analyzing each and every situation that it became tedious, stressful, and laborious to leave the safe confines of my house. Many times, given the choice, I preferred not to put myself through that turmoil and opted to stay in. This made things worse, because I needed real-world practice and exposure to make any improvement.
I was overly conscious of my every move, and how I was perceived by others. This led to distorted and unrealistic assumptions about the real world. My false interpretations were always stacked against me. For some reason, I would never give myself a break. I always assumed the worst when it came to me, and the best when it came to everyone else. I rated other people much higher than I should have, and myself, much lower. This distorted sense of self, and the fact that I was second guessing every move I made, led to an overpowering feeling of anxiety whenever I stepped out the front door.
I needed some way to tone down my thoughts - to stop analyzing everything to death.
It was at that time that I started taking one of the new SSRI drugs. Apparently, millions of prescriptions had been filled for this particular brand, and it had been around a while. I thought I had nothing to lose by at least trying it.
It took about 2 months to really kick in. There were physical side effects, and I was prepared for that. However, I wasn’t prepared for the difference it made in my thought processes. It was as if someone had flipped a switch and I was not able to get to that familiar, deep-thinking stage. I was not able to pick apart every aspect of how I governed myself in public. I didn’t have that nagging, scrutinizing, over-analyzing, inner voice that was intent on keeping me in my “proper” place.
This allowed me to function surprisingly well in almost all social situations. Initially, I was thrilled at being able to simply carry on without the usual self-doubt and worry. However, I knew that, deep-down, this was not a cure; it was simply a numbing of the senses, if you will. The drug simply blocked those deeper thoughts, it didn’t change them.
In fact, it blocked most of my clear, deep thoughts. Had it been able to simply eliminate the social anxiety aspect, I would have accepted that (though even that would still not be an actual cure), but it seemed to numb my entire range of deeper thought. It was an awful feeling, and I decided that I would prefer to have things back the way they were.
This was not the answer I was looking for. I did not want to simply dull my senses; I wanted to change my thought patterns – Big difference.
2 Responses to “A tendency to over-analyze”
Using ‘the drug’ to bridge the move from former life of relative isolation to being ‘out there’ sounds legit to me, even if it shaves a few points off one’s mental clarity. Having the broad brush strokes of social contact under the belt versus the narrow, yet insense, experiences of those deeper thoughts. How deep do we need to go anyway, or could that be the problem- working too hard there?
Bravo also to ‘going naked’, to taking the drug holiday and resetting the synapses. Take the social lessons learned ‘under the influence’, and sharpen them with the unaided mind. As long as you are in the human laboratory experimenting for good and self worth…
I know what you mean! I over-analyze and am in my head too much! I try to please people and I calculate every move I make. I try to determine who likes me and how I could seduce them! I am not kidding. I make sure I look people in the eyes, everything is calculated! Sometimes I feel like I’m a cold person and that I couldn’t ever truly care about anyone.
I can be shy but I also like to get wild and laugh a lot! I am so confused and I’d like to change myself, I feel like I am way too reserved and afraid to reveal the real me. And I feel like I am never satisfied, I demand PERFECTION about myself but am too easy-going with others!
Ps. If you’d want to discuss it, ask me for my mail. I think it would be helpful because you seem to have the exact same problem
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