Interacting with social extroverts
Avoiding social events is what I do best. After years of experience, I have become an expert at side-stepping any situation that involves interacting with more than three people. I am particularly good at sensing any hint of danger associated with such events. Danger would be any chance, however slim, that I would be centered out or put on the spot for whatever reason. Let’s just say that I plan my outings very carefully.
Although I have made much progress over the last two years, there are still things that scare me beyond belief. One such event is the annual family Christmas party.
Every year one household within our immediate family takes a turn to host the annual Christmas party. Now, I would say that I’m ok for the most part because almost everyone in attendance is related to me in some way. There is nothing these people don’t know about my personality. Over the years, they have seen it all. It still floors me, however, that I get razzed about the fact that I am so quiet. All in good fun though, right?
I would say that about 70 percent of the people in attendance are relatives – and even though I feel anxious, I can still converse and socialize quite well with most of them.
The problem is the other 30 percent. These are people that are outside of the family circle - friends, co-workers, and acquaintances. Some I know well, others not so much. It’s funny how uncomfortable I can feel even though the party is hosted by our family, and the location is usually at my parent’s home.
Some of these people make me very anxious, I have to admit. In particular, those who seem to have their lives in perfect order – extroverts that seem to have everything going for them. They are winning the game of life it seems – well educated, good jobs, nice homes, exotic vacations, etc… Whereas, I feel I have failed miserably. Certainly, I try to avoid talking about material things, but it seems the conversations are always steered in that direction. It’s like they take pleasure in stomping on any sense of self-worth I might have. On my 0-10 scale of intimidation, some of them rank pretty high.
I just can’t relax around them. Comfortable and confident, they pride themselves on being master conversationalists and rock-solid in any social setting. Most of them don’t engage me in conversation – I’m not sure why. Could it be that they feel their efforts are wasted on a “nobody?” I mean, really, who cares if I’m impressed? They have bigger fish to fry.
In the event that I do wind up face-to-face with one of them, I find it very hard to interact. I feel intimidated, and any trace of self-esteem leaves. I am left to deal with these people with nothing in the tool-chest, so to speak. How do I cope? I stand there with a pleasant smile on my face and nod as though I’m listening. In fact, I don’t hear a thing because my mind is racing out of control.
I am hyper-aware of every minute aspect of my looks, speech, and how all this is being interpreted by the other person. My mind goes into overdrive as it overanalyzes every word that is spoken, both from me and the other person.
My social anxiety goes through the roof because the perceived gap is too great. While they could be enjoying an 8 ranking, for example, I would feel like a 1 – or maybe even a 0. I simply cannot relate to people with a score this high.
How come this doesn’t happen when I’m talking to a friend, or family member? Well, I think familiarity has a lot to do with it. Familiarity lowers a persons rating.
A lower rating does not take anything away from a person; it just means that, in my mind, I feel more comfortable.
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