Social anxiety and obsessive thinking – using up precious resources
Let’s face it: Human beings have limitations, both physically and mentally. Regardless of who we are and how talented we might be, we all have finite resources in which to handle everything that life throws at us. When a good portion of my thoughts are squandered on something as powerful, yet meaningless, as the social anxiety thought cycle, there is, sometimes, precious little left over in which to handle day-to-day life.
Anxiety consumes much of my time and valuable resources - resources that could be put to much better use, I’m sure. Things aren’t as bad as they used to be, but I still have a long way to go. I’ll try to explain:
When I’m alone, or around people I know well (family), I am totally relaxed and I can be myself. Social anxiety is the last thing on my mind as I interact freely with others without the usual negative auto-thoughts making their appearance. I don’t second-guess every word I say, or over-analyze every comment and action made by others. The usual protective walls are taken down as I expose the real me to those I trust.
The result is that my mind is freed up to do other things. Without the constant anxiety I feel in public, I can concentrate on the moment – the current reality. This ultimately results in my being able to think more clearly. It allows me to be witty, spontaneous, knowledgeable, and dynamic because I am not being drained by my obsessive thoughts.
I always like to use the personal computer analogy:
If you are in the habit of giving your computer many simultaneous tasks (downloads, file transfers, etc…) then wonder why you lose functionality to the extent that your mouse and keyboard don’t respond, you are quite clearly assigning so much work to the processor that it loses it’s ability to perform even the simplest of functions. The computer is so involved with these tasks that it loses its basic functionality.
Since our brains are thought to be nothing more than very sophisticated, biological computers (also with limited resources), it makes sense that when I am caught in an obsessive thought loop, I lose the ability to function in other ways.
I believe that this exact thing happens to me when I’m in a social situation. It’s no wonder that I’m thought of as quiet and boring; all my resources are being hijacked by the social anxiety machine. My internal, obsessive thoughts are hogging all the resources.
If I needed more proof, all I have to do is think back to any speeches or presentations I had to do in school. I was so preoccupied with my negative, obsessive thoughts that it was impossible to concentrate on giving a good presentation (even though I knew I was capable). I would forget everything I was meant to say and simply mumble a few lines that I had memorized (hardwired in my brain). As far as “on-my-feet” thinking was concerned; there was none.
The end result was that I looked like I didn’t have two brain cells to rub together. Try as I might, I could not change this perception that people had of me. This lack of concentration also dogged me through my years of corporate work, where I was passed over for many promotions. Not only was I avoiding meetings and presentations, I’d look like an imbecile when I was forced to participate.
Another example of my lack of concentration is when I’m introduced to someone in public. I’m usually so nervous and preoccupied with how I’m being interpreted that the name never registers. I hear the introduction, but cannot remember the name even 2 minutes later. Could it be because my brain is overloading itself with other tasks?
It’s said that we use only 4 percent of our brain power. If social anxiety claims 75 percent of that, it’s no wonder I have a hard time being a brilliant conversationalist in social settings.
Anyway, that’s just my theory.
3 Responses to “Social anxiety and obsessive thinking – using up precious resources”
Thanks so much for your candid thoughts about anxiety. It makes sense, which feels so good to
have some ideas about it. Anxiety can be so
overwhelming, scary, and all-out frenzied and
do a number on our nerves, state of mind, and most
importantly, our self-confidence.
I believe it is important to not make our lives
all about anxiety. Yes, it is a big, even huge deal,
but I’ve tried all kinds of self-help books and
talking to people, etc. and relief is momentary.
The only way out in my opinion, is through it.
Practice talking to strangers, understand and
experience the feelings and thoughts that go
through your body as inevitable and part of your
conditioning. But you now have the choice to make
a stand, or run away from them. I’ve tried
running away, and it only makes them worse,
especially after many years!
Don’t give up, get out there and make a life!
I was, well I still am, feeling down and kind of depressed and I know I am sometimes really obsessively thinking I am not interesting or witty or fun, and I suddenly found this text and felt really identified. Well, thanks for sharing, it does help to some extent
Sofia
I can relate to a lot of the above, i have got much better over the years FOR SURE. I did have a situation bring up some obsessive thinking (unexpected) and its been a little less than a week now. Im still glad i went to the event, it was fun and it was a one shot chance…so i took it. Im glad this is here, i dont feel so alone. Its not fun but im getting better.
Thanks
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