Social anxiety disorder - selling out
Because of my social anxiety disorder, I have an awful habit of selling out to people. In most social situations, I will almost certainly take a back seat to others. It’s not that I’m being gracious or anything; I do it because I don’t want to upset people. I do it because I want to be liked by everyone. I do it because of my low self-esteem, and because I have no faith in myself or my abilities. I’m too willing to agree with others while discounting my own thoughts and ideas.
Yes, it all comes down to my low self-esteem and belief that I am, in some way, a lesser person than most. I can’t shake the feeling that others are so much more talented and better equipped than I am. It’s not a good thing because if one cannot stick up for one’s self, then who will? Sadly, I hold others in a higher regard than I do myself – totally selling out.
Getting along with people and having everyone like me is a top priority, and one that I always work towards in social settings. I will always sell out my beliefs and principles just to get a nod or a pat on the back from someone. Even if they put forth an opinion that is against my beliefs and principles, I say nothing in defense of my viewpoint, and in some cases I’ll even agree verbally. I know it’s wrong at the time, but my obsession to please everyone, and not “rock the boat,” keeps me from being true to myself and my own beliefs.
What has this really done for me? Well, I doubt that I have anyone’s true respect when I’m agreeing with everything they say like some spineless wimp. In fact, I’m sure that my behavior only serves to make me look insecure.
Perhaps it comes down to being thin-skinned. I don’t have the mental toughness and thick-skin that it takes to face controversy, and the opposing views of others, head-on. I always take the so-called, “easier” route. However, in the long run, it actually does more harm than good.
I am protecting myself from less than favorable encounters because I can’t deal with them. I’d rather play the passive, “nice-guy” role and force a positive outcome, than voice my own opinion about something. I always end up regretting this behavior.
A perfect example of this passive attitude happens when I receive bad service in a restaurant. Even if the food is obviously sub-par, I won’t complain because I don’t want to upset the waiter/waitress or the chef. I want to maintain that super-friendly rapport with everyone. I want/need to be liked by everyone – even if it means getting less than I paid for because the alternative is more upsetting than eating a horrible meal.
I hate selling out my principles. Personal integrity is something that should not be traded or sold for anything. Yes, you might piss off some people, but at least they will respect you, and you can respect yourself.
One Response to “Social anxiety disorder - selling out”
I know exactly what you mean. I’m always scared to rock the boat so I just don’t say anything. I have noticed since I have had two children I HAVE to speak up more not only to protect them but also because I don’t want my kids to use me as a door mat.
I love your site! It’s like you are reading my mind.
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