Shy, quiet, nice guy, are among the most popular terms that people use to describe me – at least, people whom I know fairly well. The shy-and-quiet description is a given. Thats just who I am, and its not likely to change significantly in the near future.
The nice-guy label is not accurate, however. The truth of the matter is that if people feel Im a nice guy, then its only due to me misrepresenting myself and misleading them. The fact is that Im far from being the nice guy I portray myself as. Im actually a fake – a phony.
In reality, Im very insecure, and I am constantly going out of my way to avoid conflict and to please people. I need to have everyone like me. If Im viewed as being a nice guy, its for my own selfish reasons, not because I truly am a nice guy.
I am, in fact, so insecure that I over-nice people to avoid even the slightest possibility of there being any conflict, or negative judgment against me. Playing the nice-guy role ensures that Ill never be challenged or criticized (because I have no opposing views) – and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that. Why? Because I am insecure and thin-skinned – I cant take the truth that real-life throws at all of us; its too painful and damaging to my well-being. So, in fact, the nice guy phoniness is actually a protection mechanism to ensure I will never have to deal with that.
You could say that my whole life is phony. My very core is fake because Im scared to expose the real me to the world.
Those who have actually gotten to know me have commented on how different my personality is, compared to when they first met me. Well, thats not surprising considering the person they initially met was as phony as a three dollar bill.
Thats not to say that I am a nasty person at the core; Im just not the nice guy everyone thinks I am. I truly wish I had the capacity to handle a little more real-life criticism and the opposing views of others. If I could manage to be more true to myself, Im sure my personality would be re-kindled and Id open a door to a much more fulfilling life.
Lets face it, I might be a nice guy to most people, but Im probably also very boring and predictable. In fact, the whole nice-guy syndrome is robbing me of the chance to really bond with the rest of society.
Even though I know Im not doing myself any favors by carrying on this charade, I am helpless to do anything about it because it is part of my comfort zone. As long as I avoid confrontation, I am safe within my comfort zone.
Im missing out on so much and I want to experience my life to the fullest, but I cant do that while Im taking part in this charade. I need to start being true to myself and to show the world the real me – not some sterilized, idealistic version of someone I think I should be.
The nice guy does not exist, and the sooner I realize that, the better. It is an unhealthy mask that forbids me to partake in the real, spontaneous, unpredictable and truly wonderful aspects of life.