My self-worth is not determined by others
For the past year or so, I’ve been trying to make a conscience effort to be 100 percent genuine. Rather than allowing society to dictate the person I should be, I’m following my instincts and determining the person I want to be, entirely on my own, without any outside influence.
One point of clarification: Society does not dictate who I am as a person, but more accurately, it’s my warped interpretation system that believes it does.
The nice-guy syndrome is a perfect example of this. Somehow, I’ve got it in my head that I need to be overly nice to everyone in order to get along and maintain inner peace. Meanwhile, I feel like a complete fraud for acting in such a phony manner.
The first step in this process was to try and turn down that internal voice that keeps repeating, over and over, that I am being perceived negatively by society so I must change the way I present myself to others. Basically, there is probably nothing wrong with the way I present myself, therefore there is no need to adjust my personality.
Convincing myself that I was not being regarded in a negative manner by others was really the hard part. In fact, my entire social anxiety problem revolves around that whole concept: That society is judging me negatively. The problem I have with the phony “nice-guy” personality is just a symptom of that larger condition.
Of course, the nice-guy syndrome isn’t the only artificial trait brought on by these skewed beliefs. Everything, from the way I stare at the ground, to the way I avoid eye contact, to how quiet I am, is brought on by these perceived social threats.
I am quiet because I feel that I will be criticized and judged if I open my mouth. I stare at the ground because I feel the critical, judging, sinister stares of people as they pass by. I avoid eye contact because it feels as though they can peer into my inner-most thoughts.
Even if my paranoid suspicions were true (and that would be the worst possible, and most unlikely scenario), so what?
Other people do not determine who I am as a person. This is something I have been repeating over and over, in my head, whispering under my breath, for the last year.
Whenever I feel intimidated, whether it’s real or not, I remember that one sentence:
“You do not determine who I am as a person. I do.”
One Response to “My self-worth is not determined by others”
Hi Drew.
Your comment about having to be a “professional” in order to write a book is a bit true. However, I would likely still buy it as would many others because of your first hand experience with this issue. That, and your gift for writing well would likely make me open my wallet. There is a lot to be said for the School of Hard Knocks.
I wanted to ask you if you have contemplated “group therapy”? I once saw a psychologist (for my anxiety) who insisted that I participate in group therapy and appeared annoyed when I resisted her advice. Would a support group help SA suffers? I wonder about these options in addition to therapy. Regards.
Kirsten
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