Social anxiety - leaving the rat-race
Since leaving my corporate job a few years ago, I’ve managed to fine tune my life to the point where I’m relatively happy. Looking back, I can see how much the rat-race was harming me, and how anxious and fearful every day was. I doubt that I’ll ever regret the decision to resign, even though, at the time, it seemed like I was giving up and letting my social anxiety win.
That feeling didn’t last long as it became quite clear that if things hadn’t improved after four years, then they were not likely to ever improve - so much for the repeated exposure theory. In fact, I can say that my fear and anxiety escalated in proportion to the increased responsibilities of the job.
Though my condition made the situation intolerable, I doubt that I was cut out for a career in the corporate world anyway. I always felt that there had to be a way to earn a living doing something I truly enjoyed –being chained to a cubicle for 8 hours a day was not it.
Besides, I hoped to make a dent in my social phobia problem, and that would never happen as long as I was in full-fledge panic mode every day. I needed to withdraw a little, gather my thoughts, make a plan, then proceed.
After leaving my well-paying job, I stayed with my parents for a little while. For the next year or so, I struggled to come to terms with this condition and to decide what I would do for the rest of my life. It was at this time that I sought professional help and devised a plan to better my situation.
There was quite a bit of negativity from various people at the time. It appeared that they could not understand why a, seemingly healthy, 33 year old male would move back with his elderly parents. I was getting flak from all sides – family, friends, and neighbors. People no longer engaged me conversation without asking me what I was doing with my time now. It was as if they somehow concluded that I was leeching off my parents and decided to make it their business.
Little did they realize that I was, in fact, paying room and board with money I had saved during my four years in that high-wage job. I did not sponge off my parents, and I did not receive any form of social benefits from the government. Yet, I was still treated differently by just about everyone I met that knew I had moved back home. There was no sympathy.
Why do people assume that it’s their duty to find out how I was supporting myself? I suppose that it’s just natural human curiosity – though I don’t see myself acting in such a manner.
Even today, I still get interrogated by people asking what I’m doing and hinting that my job should only be considered temporary until something better comes along. On more than one occasion, I’ve considered getting into the whole social anxiety explanation. However, the mindset of the person that believes it is their business to inquire about someone’s personal life would never be able to understand. Their, “Shake it off and get back in the game” theory has never worked for me.
I’m fairly content with my life at the moment – although I sometimes feel as though I should be out there with the other cubicle dwellers, climbing that corporate ladder. Fortunately, the feeling passes quickly.
I’ve realized that there isn’t one standard formula for happiness. Bucking the trend and taking a low-wage, low-stress job may seem fool-hardy and risky to some, however, I am infinitely happier now than when I was stuck in an office. At the end of the day, that’s what really matters.
I figure that as long as I support myself and don’t go looking for handouts, I am free to live my life the way I see fit. I don’t harm anyone, and I accept responsibility for supporting the life-style I choose. Besides, can others really dictate how someone should live their life? Success, happiness, and contentment mean different things to different people. I would never try to impose my will upon anyone like that.
My minimalist lifestyle may not fit the definition of success as defined by society, but it does provide piece of mind, contentment, and time to think. If anything, I can at least say that I am not killing the planet by participating in a hyper-consumer lifestyle.
I live in 400sq feet, and the only thing of value I own is my computer. Many people would describe a 36 year old in this situation as a failure. I, on the other hand, enjoy the freedom that such a lifestyle can provide.
To each his own.
3 Responses to “Social anxiety - leaving the rat-race”
I appreciate reading this perspective. I’ve found that I am very drawn to simplifying my life in order to best deal with my anxiety. I’m glad to know that it is working for you.
I’ve been reading your entries for the past couple of days and can relate to a lot of it. Some of it is like reading my own life. I’m at a point now where I am striving hard to accept myself first and work on the negative thoughts I have about myself. By changing it to positive or finding a positive statement I know to be true of myself, I reinforce the part of knowing that I am worthwhile and having SA doesn’t make me a failure. I lead a simple life, live with my parents, pay for certain expenses when I can and try to get along with people. I’ve had people try to tell me or tell my parents what I ought to do with my life. I’ve had people say my parents were a “crutch”. I guess they were assuming that if they “let go” of me I would be alright and be able to compete with the challenges in this world. While I do want to be more functional and be my own person, I just cannot do what others can do. If my parents “let go”, I would still have S.A.
I didn’t know they were holding on. Nobody is holding me back. It’s not anyone’s business what is best for me because they do not know me. S.A. is too complex of a disorder for people to understand.
People’s opinions are just opinions. They think you should go by their measure of success. I know that is not how it works.
As far as working on being more assertive, confident, I believe that is a good place to start but we must also feel and believe in ourselves or it will seem fake and feel fake. I truly believe that our body language and appearance are a part of what keeps people away from us as much as we stay away from them. When we appear more happy and confident, people respond well. On the other hand,my bad days, I’ve gotten the cold shoulder from people or negative remarks, teasing, etc.
I’m almost shocked when people do speak nicely to me and I wonder why, then I realize I was having a good day even before that and they picked up on it.
I think we have a radar. Anyway just my thoughts.
I can relate to your story, although im only 18 years old, my social anxiety has already started to significantly affect my life. Sometimes i feel like no one understands and that im alone but then i realise that they dont understand because i dont explain it, but my worst fear is that when i explain it everyone will just think that im even weirder, and then il be even more rejected. In the past i used to just force myself to do things like public speaking,going to job interviews and parties and doing things that i dont want to do, but after the event i would lay awake for hours and hours just going over it in my head thinking about what people thought about what i said and thinking of things that i should of said, all of this is negative and then it makes me depressed and has made me now avoid most feared situations.
one thing that happens to me is that i cant make phone calls, i get so stressed,just the thought of making one makes me shake and feel sick inside, im scared of ringing i people i dont know because i think that they’ll think that i sound weird or stupid or anxious and its even harder for me to ring people i know because i think that im disturbing them and that they wont want to talk to me.
It took me soo long too realise that i had social phobia, i thought that i was just weird and that i was crazy to be thinking like this but now i know what it is i think its a lot easier to deal with, i just wish i could explain 2 my parents how im feeling, but i dont want them 2 treat me differently and im afraid they’ll just laugh about it and tell me to get over it. Anyhows i just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story because looking at other peoples experiences i have learnt that im not the only one going through this and its good to know.
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