Social anxiety and relaxation techniques
Most self-help books and tapes have dedicated at least one chapter to relaxation techniques. Breathing exercises, positive self-talk, soothing music, mental imagery, and grounding techniques are among the most popular. Most of these methods are built on solid scientific research, and there is no doubt in my mind that they are an invaluable resource in overcoming fear and anxiety.
However, such techniques don’t seem to work for me in high anxiety situations. I have attempted to use some of the more popular tactics on different occasions and have failed - even after following the instructions to the letter. I seem to have a hard time blocking out the situation at hand in order to concentrate on breathing properly and calming myself down. The high-anxiety environment overpowers these techniques with ease.
And, believe me; I’ve tried more than one.
As with many who suffer from social anxiety, I study everything I can get my hands on. Over the past 20+ years, I’ve read hundreds of books and articles by many of the leading experts. Long before I knew that this condition even had a name, I realized there was something wrong with me and literally devoured every self-help book on the market. Mind you, only a small percentage dealt specifically with social anxiety disorder.
Much of the material I’ve read over the years has been general self-help and not SA specific. I just couldn’t find material that dealt specifically with social anxiety. Yes, there were tons of material written by the top self-help gurus, but little in the area of anxiety and shyness. I suppose that putting out a more generalized self-improvement book addresses the masses. Why get specific when you can hit the top 10 in one book?
So, in reading these books, I became familiar with many subjects that were not related to anxiety, however, still informative. I read how to lose weight, dress right, land that job, speed read, become a millionaire, attract women, and the list goes on. The closest thing to anxiety was a book I read about improving confidence – but even then, its main purpose was to instill confidence and increase sex-appeal.
Most of the theory involved mind over matter and, in the case of audio cassettes, a track that was meant to sooth and console. It was here that phrases would be repeated amongst quiet background music. Even the books contained a chapter that would calm a person in times of crisis. I suppose the idea was to try and program these phrases into the subconscious.
Later, as I began to find books that dealt specifically with social anxiety, I noticed the same soothing self-talk. Additionally, these books contained practical techniques that were meant to calm a person down before, during, and after an encounter. Breathing techniques were big here.
Additionally, some made use of a method that involved planting an idea or feeling into the subconscious, to be later triggered by certain thoughts and key-words before and during the anxiety causing event. The idea was that these triggers could be used to bring on feelings of calmness and serenity as needed.
I often equated this technique with attempting to douse a forest fire with a squirt-gun. Although everything sounds quite logical in theory, real-life has a way of bulldozing techniques like that. Now, I’m not putting down any method in particular, I’m just saying that they don’t work for me.
Let me give you an example:
About 6 months before I quit my corporate job, our company decided that it would be a good idea to send all its personnel on a 2 day quality course. It was meant to identify new opportunities and methods to get the job done. Unlike most courses, this one included everyone – technical, sales, and admin. This had never been done before, as we usually had our own separate meetings and training courses. The training was mandatory, so there was no way out.
We were given one month’s notice as they began to schedule us into groups of about 30. Each department was represented equally in every scheduled class. The list was then distributed to the participants. I was nervous about the upcoming course, but my anxiety went into overdrive when I saw the list.
For 3 weeks, I worried myself sick. I couldn’t seem to get on with everyday life while this thing hung over me. This dark cloud was here to stay – sucking all the joy out of life and leaving fear, anxiety, and depression in its wake.
To be continued…
One Response to “Social anxiety and relaxation techniques”
Great article and good to hear someone giving personal examples of ideas like this.
It has been said that most of the recent self-development movement has been of what you would call the personality ethic. This means changing how you’re perceived by using different techniques. Most of these books are exactly that, quick fixes.
You have isolated the more relevant focus of working on character instead. This helps us to acknowledge our stress and become more creative as to how we deal with it rather than just the ‘be positive’ things that has become frankly stale and boring.
In addition, music is a fantastic way to relax. it can be an awesome tool to lower the brain rate of someone and help them to calm their minds.
Feel free to drop over to our music website if you want to hear some music designed for relaxation and yoga.
Thanks again
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