Likeability
So, what is your likeability factor?
I’m borrowing a term from a gentleman by the name of Tim Sanders. Tim has written a book called “The likeability factor”, and also has a website: http://www.timsanders.com/. I plan to read the book at some point; however reading a short intro from the site got me thinking about what it takes to increase your likeability. Is it even possible to increase your likeability?
Bear in mind that since I have not read the book, I am in no position to comment on it. In fact, I will hold off on reading the book until I’ve made a few blog posts about my own interpretation of the concept. It should be interesting to compare notes.
I did, however, watch a short video clip of one of his seminars and he seemed to make a lot of sense. It got me thinking that the world really is one big popularity contest and someone like me is letting 99% of it slip through his fingers.
I have a hard time grasping the whole concept because there are many factors that make up one’s personality, and as such, the criteria for likeability is multifaceted and sometimes ambiguous.
What I do know is that most of us spend our days oblivious to the signals we are sending out (good or bad), and then willingly accept whatever outcome materializes (good or bad). We feel great when things work in our favor and depressed when they don’t. Those with great personalities don’t have to think or try hard – good things just seem to happen as everything usually clicks and falls into place. Similarly, those with not so great personalities also tend not to think about how they present themselves. Except that in this case, they wonder why they are ignored, forgotten and forced to live in the background of society.
What would make you a more likeable person? What part of the “whole package” would you need to tweak? Are you capable of fixing certain personality quirks that may be hurting your chances? For that matter, can you identify where you come up short?
This is something that I have been working on for the past year or so – even before I heard of the likeability factor and Tim Sanders. I have been creating a blueprint that I intend to follow – one that I hope gets me noticed in a more favorable way.
What have I learned in the last year? Well, for one, the concept of likeability, the need to be liked, and the inability to connect with others in a positive way, is closely related to my social anxiety problem and feelings of insecurity. In short, my socially anxious behavior is sabotaging my efforts to increase my likeability and ability to mesh with the rest of society.
So this, somewhat related, problem seems as hard, if not harder to fix than social anxiety itself. Although, my hopes are that if I manage to crack one, the other will follow suit quickly.
3 Responses to “Likeability”
Hi Drew,
You want to hear something funny? I watched Tim Sanders’ video about likeability, or as he calls it, the “L” factor, and to be totally honest, at first blush I found him to be somewhat unlikeably and even untrustworthy. You’d think that of all people he’d be the one who would easily come across as a likeable guy. Sort of ironic.
Dave
Hi Dave,
Yes, I agree; he’s a little over the top for me also. I’m sure that his theory/method is probably geared towards the average extrovert that is stuck in a rut because they’ve pissed off too many people and are wondering why no one likes them.
On the other hand, as a social anxiety sufferer, I agree that the likeability factor is important if one wants to gel with the rest of society.
Hi,
Could it be that likeablity ultimately originates in first knowing and liking ourselves? Liking oneself despite any seemingly debilitating flaws in our character is a prerequisite to extending our time and attention (befriending) to another person. While we can pick and choose our friends among the spectrum of human personality choices, our ultimate self-love comes from within by accepting, or at least not rejecting, others no matter how different they are from us and our friends. Initiating such contacts in social groups formed in a caring environment such as spiritual groups would make things more efficient at the start, later moving on to the polychromatic ‘real’ world. Mike
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