Social encounters are rarely perfect

Likeability can be a complicated thing. Personally, there are times (not many, mind you) when everything just seems to click with me. The atmosphere feels right, I feel good, and my personality is on fire. My actions and words seem to bounce off everyone in a favorable manner, and that feedback, in turn, gives me the confidence to ride out this bit of good fortune. I feel my likeability soar.

Ok, so this has only happened a couple of times in my entire life. If I knew what the secret was, I would be able to duplicate it at will. Nothing in life is so simple, unfortunately. In real life, there are too many things going on during most social encounters – too many variables. Looks, facial expressions, body language, quick witted thinking, humor, and even the less tangible “vibe” all come together to create perfect conditions.

For me, it only takes one small thing to bring everything crashing to the ground.

Any negative feedback, and the good times are brought to a screeching halt. The positive cycle of self-confidence and sociability is replaced with insecurity, mistrust, anxiety and depression. Likeability is replaced with scorn and resentment. That’s why I rarely experience perfect social experiences; something will always get in the way. Once I’ve been brought down, things change drastically, and others pick up on it. I have a very transparent personality. If something is bothering me, it will be very obvious.

Once the negative vibes start, people change in their attitude towards me. I am absolutely sure of this as I have experienced it many, many times. The cycle of negativity starts and spirals out of control; I am helpless to do anything to stop it.

So, as you can see, in order for me to have a great outing, things have to come together perfectly. What are the chances of everything coming off perfectly? Well, when was the last time I won the lottery?

If there was a way that I could control this downward spiral and the resulting bad mood, I feel I could maintain at least some of the likeability factor.

One obvious conclusion I’ve come to is that there is rarely a “textbook perfect” social encounter. Negativity is always a possibility, and I’ve simply got to develop the resources to deal with this. It’s not an all or nothing deal.

It is possible to salvage a situation even when negativity (from others, usually) rears its ugly head. Other people do it all the time. I have got to get out of this obsession with being perfect and needing everyone to like me. Socializing is not perfect. Mistakes will be made. I have to accept myself as a less-than-perfect human being and dismiss the unfortunate incidents as just an inevitable part of the big picture.

If I could get over this, I’m certain my likeability would improve.

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