Social anxiety is a real disorder
Social anxiety disorder is one of the least understood anxiety disorders. In fact, some psychiatrists and psychologists are still suggesting that it is not a true mental condition. They dismiss the problem as simple shyness or the result of deeper underlying issues.
I spend a lot of time reviewing books, video, audio, and reading tons of information on various websites – anything to do with social anxiety disorder. I feel compelled to do this because I want to eventually beat this thing; and having lots of information with different viewpoints is invaluable. The conclusion that I have come to is that most of the top people really have no idea what it is like to live with this condition; that is painfully obvious in the way they talk about it.
In fact, several famous PhD types and self-help gurus (people that I have looked up to for their expertise in general self-improvement) really have no clue when it comes to social anxiety. I would even go so far as to say they are at such a loss when it comes to understanding this condition, that they substitute generic psychological advice to fill the gaps.
This lack of understanding was obvious when I decided to seek help for my condition for the very first time. I was referred to a psychiatrist by my family doctor and I was looking forward to sitting down with a professional and chatting about SA. I spent weeks rehearsing what I wanted to say so that he would understand exactly what I was talking about. About 5 minutes into the initial consultation, I realized that this person would not be able to help me. Even though I tried several times to steer the conversation towards social anxiety and explained in very frank terms exactly what was happening, it seemed that we were on two totally different wavelengths. He chose to concentrate on things like personal history, family history, and negative influences in my past.
Realizing that this was simply the introductory interview, I decided to see him the following week. Again, I felt as though I were being forced into a pre-determined diagnosis even though I tried to make him see the social anxiety side of things. He seemed to regard my “self-diagnosed” condition as merely a very small part of a much larger problem. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what that larger problem was, because I truly felt as though we were not clicking – and never would. After fighting me every step of the way, I could tell he was becoming frustrated and I eventually took him up on his offer to refer me to a psychologist that specialized in social anxiety disorder.
Even though I had to pay for the psychologist, it was worth its weight in gold because I could finally talk to someone that knew where I was coming from and could offer helpful advice. I wasn’t crazy after all – there was some validity in what I was feeling.
Social anxiety is a real disorder. I will never be convinced of anything other than that. To say that it is extreme shyness or that everyone else experiences the same symptoms to lesser degrees (though they handle it better), is not acceptable to me. I live with this condition everyday of my life, and I am quite certain that I am in a minority.
I know of very few people that get as nervous and anxious as I do. I know of very few people that are as quiet as I am. I can see how different I am without too much trouble – and that’s not just me being too hard on myself – it’s there, and it’s real.
So when someone tells me that I’ve got it wrong – that it goes against popular psychological theories and treatments – that I need to do A, B, and C like every other person in the world that has risen above simple shyness, I can’t help but shake my head.
Walk a mile in my shoes…
7 Responses to “Social anxiety is a real disorder”
The very thought of going to a tavern or club makes my hands sweat and sends a rush of fear down my spine. As I type these words, I’m feeling it.
I think mingling with like minded people would help me. Being with people with similar problems reduces the intimidation level and I think I could be more successful in re-learning how to communicate with people.
Do you have any tips on finding group therapy?
To me SA seems to be a personality disorder - not mental disorder.
It is caused by irrational thinking patterns. Our way of thinking about ourselves and our interactions with other people make us socially anxious.
Both pragmatic “patch-it-up-with-drugs” psychologists and Freudian “it’s-because-you-want-to-rape-your-mother” psychologists have a hard time understanding this.
Social anxiety quite literally makes no sense. It is irrational, a paradox, a perpetuum mobile so to speak. There is nothing wrong with us, apart from our age-old habit of thinking there is something wrong with us.
When does a personality disorder become a mental disorder? Quite a gray area sometimes. As for myself, I would like to think I have a personality disorder, however sometimes it just feels like so much more than that. Unfortunately, the term “mental disorder” is regarded negatively by most of society.
No one wants to be labeled with that.
Believe me, I know what you are talking about. I have very severe social anxiety. I think I have one of the most severe forms of it. I consider it a disorder. Something is definately not right and it is very hard to battle. Lots of people suffer “shyness” here and there but mine is much deeper than that. I haven’t been able to shrug it off and just move on.
I don’t care how it’s labled or what causes it. I know I have it. I have been misunderstood by all non-social anxiety persons. They don’t “get it.”
Recently in the news it was reported that there are maybe 15 million people in North America who suffer from SA, so you’re not alone. With depression being such a global problem, a lot of clinical studies have been conducted into SA in the last few decades and it is now a medically diagnosed problem.
Have you ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? This is a form of psychotherapy that provides a goal orientated, structured approach to changing your automatic negative thoughts and replacing them with more helpful, realistic ones. I’ve been reading through some of your posts and I haven’t found any refs to CBT so I wasnt sure if you were aware of it or if it hadnt helped for you.
It takes time, determination and resilience to change the fear which seems to appear in your gut in certain situations. But it has been proven to be effective in clinical trials and has helped thousands of sufferers. There are some great books you can read which give you exercises to work through and a trip to the doctor might be a good idea for meds to take the edge off your negative thoughts whilst you work through changing your thinking patterns.
I had thought about emailing you personally but thought I’d post about CBT here for everybody who lands here to read.
Matt
Just read your ‘What is social anxiety?’ page - did CBT not help you at all, if only to help you understand the reasons for your SA? I know nobody knows for sure but the combination of theories seems to make sense to me and that you should be able to slowly recover even if it is in very slow steps and forcing changes into your lifestyle.
I also suffer from lowselfesteem and SA .I have a few books based on CBT and I have tried the technique…the thing that I’ve recognized is that I’ve gotten positives results from CBT at times that I didn’t feel depressed. I think that the first step for overcoming SA (in my case depression included) is to try to overcome your depression. Going to the gym and doing rhythmic aerobics has helped a lot in overcoming my depression (despite the negative thought I had at first assuming exercise would be helpless) .It has brought up my energy levels giving me more strength to fight with my situation
Leave a Reply