Social anxiety and career success
Success is something I’ve always found elusive. Working in a hot kitchen day after day for little more than minimum wage reinforces that fact, while I’m reminded of things that could have been and opportunities lost. Sure, the job is easy, and I’ve become quite comfortable in my rut, but something is missing. The safe situation I’ve created is a social phob’s perfect solution to the anxiety of a real-world job – a real job with real pay that might allow me to move on in other aspects of my life (house, car, etc).
The way I see it, you have to possess several qualities in order to succeed in the working world. Granted, there are individuals that do very well while avoiding most social interaction; however, these people usually possess other extraordinary talents.
Unfortunately, I’m not exceptionally brilliant in any particular area. In fact, I’m exceptionally ordinary. So where does that leave me? Well, without “in demand” qualities and talents, social interaction must play an increasingly large role and is quite often the deciding factor when it comes to career success.
I’ve known many people over the years that were no more talented than I, but succeeded because they were not afraid to interact and communicate with others.
If you could imagine the majority of the population sitting around the same talent level, it only makes sense that those who find ways to get ahead are usually the ones that are able to distinguish themselves socially.
For a socially anxious person of average ability, this is not good. My current situation is living proof of that. I have settled to the bottom of society’s hierarchy as I slave away at my menial job; shut off from the rest of society – working behind the scenes.
In a way, I love the protection, but I also long for more. In fact, I know I’m capable of so much more.
I feel as though I’m wasting my best years – Damn this social anxiety.
7 Responses to “Social anxiety and career success”
Somethng to consider Drew is your ability to write this blog. That is a huge positive. Reading your site over the last few months I have been able to relate to many of the things you talk about and I can say that for me I feel far away from having the courage to write about my SA or anything for that matter on a regular basis in a blog.
Hi,
I couldn’t sleep this evening because I am busy worrying about my life… my recent behavior at a wedding, my null job success and my lack of relationships problems. I came across this blog. I can totally relate to a lot of what you are saying. I especially liked the one I started on about rejection…. I can so relate, how can a person be treated with hostility when all they have been is nice to everyone? This was a real shocker to me for a long while. I finally realized it’s what humans do! It’s like some strange and sick pecking order… a game I have to play in order to succeed.
This post I can relate to as well. I am finding myself without a job, being fired or quit the last 5 I’ve had most often because of social problems. I know that I am not at the place I want to be in my life right now because of this darn social anxiety. I continue to struggle daily but some days are better than others. Some weeks too. I look at this past week I basically spent in my house and it was not fulfilling at all.
I refuse to fail and although it’s hard, I feel that life is like this.. we have to take a couple steps forward and a 1 step back. I guess it gives us time to have the information sink in or something.
We can do it! I’lll be reading ya….
One more thing, after reading your bio. What they say is true.. that we have to just conquer our fears…. it’s the main source of this crap. I used to be sooo afraid of making public presentations, I used to drop classes in high school because I was so afraid. I was kinda forced to do it in college, thankfully, then I really took a step out of things and was a teacher for 2 years. I was soooo scared when I first began but after a while and even now I almost crave to speak publically. Who knew?!?! Now, if only I could do that with day to day interactions… I am a little bit… I just am less afraid to make mistakes, like you said, we are all just human….
peace my brother!!
Dear Drew I totally feel your pain. In the past year, I have left four jobs because I couldn’t deal with my co-workers because of social anxiety and these were actually just low paying odd jobs . Now I am scared that once I finish my studies and go into the “real” world, I won’t be able to deal with the pressure of social anxiety as well as all the problems of job search and interviews etc. Sometimes I feel like giving up everything and running away but run away where because I can’t ever run away from myself.
i cant even write what i want our say what i feel trough fear that ill be misunderstood, i missed out on so many oppurtunitys cause im scared i wont be good enough and basically i just sieze up when people are watching me do something, its like all my brains capacity is focusing on whats going on around me when others are in the vicinty, worried how im being percieved how long im taking to do something etc.
ive missed out on about 10 beautiful women now im a 25yr old virgin! well kind of i went to a massage parlour about 10x becuase i feel comfortable paying for sex. but i dont want prostitues. dam social anxiety and what ever else is wrong with my brain. dam it to hell!!!!
You are just like me. I was working at a fast food restraunt for a while and I never talked to anyone unless they asked me something. My reply would be as small as possible. Everyone must have thought I was wierd. For some reason a lot of the girls were attracted to me, but eventually they gave up on me, and I don’t blame them. I couldn’t even look at them. Most were very pretty. One girl used to sit by me on my break and I would immediately put my head down and hide my face and not say anything. She would tell me to say something but I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. I feel more comfotable when I’m hidden, when nobody is looking at me. I am most comfortable at home, but even there I find myself hiding my face under my shirt infront of family members. I do not like to be in the spotlight. I ended up quitting my fast-food job because I could not stand the spotlight any more, even thought I was a mere grill worker who didn’t interact as much as others; it was still destroying me to be there, seeing those regular customers who knew about the wierdo in the grill who didn’t greet them properly like all the other workers. I think my main problem is that I analyze situations too much. Not to sound arrogant, but I think I have some sort of gift of understanding how others feel in situations, but it’s hurting me because it affects how I behave. I guess I think that people are analyzing me as much as I analyze them and myself. For the past few months I have been searching for a job on my computer with no luck. My mom forced me to walk-in to a few places and I surprised myself when I actually got applications and two times had interviews, but I have come no furthur than that. As soon as I step out of my house, I am different. I immediatley begin thinking someone, like my neighbors, is/are looking at me, observing me, or analyzing me as I do to others; possibly starring out their windows. I suppose I will just keep looking for a job on my computer, occasionally walking in to apply. I am trying to get something that requires little to no human interaction, something like a cleaning person or shelf stocker. If you’ve ever seen the show Seinfeld, I sometimes think of myself as a George in the episode when he describes his life as being the complete opposite of what he ever wanted. Obviously I don’t talk as much as George does or have as many frieds as he does, but his description of his life is just like mine; jobless, living with mom, and no girlfriend. Just add-on friendless, loneley, social anxiety and you’ve got me.
Just be happy you HAVE a job…I’m 26 and have NEVER had one. Yes, my life sucks.
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