Im going to take a break from talking about conversation techniques to address an issue that has been nagging me for some time. It has to do with happiness, basically.
Now, I wouldnt know happiness if it bit me in the¦well, you know. Furthermore, I wouldnt really know how to handle it should it ever make an appearance. Yes, I know its hard to believe, but I cant imagine ever being truly happy.
I envy people that are able to simply enjoy life, walk around with a smile for everyone they meet, and engage people with a genuine sincerity and warmth that can do nothing but put everyone else in a good mood.
People are naturally attracted to this – and why wouldnt they be?
Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe – but the truth is undeniable. I have spent many hours watching people and the way they interact, and my conclusion is that those who can lift the spirit of others with little more than a friendly smile and their zest for life are more common than you might think.
Ok, yes, not everyone is wired that way – and thats fine – but the majority of people I have observed seem to have a contentment and joy that I will likely never experience.
Even if I were, somehow, able to totally eliminate my social anxiety tomorrow, I doubt that I would be happy and content. Something would still be missing. Unfortunately, I have no idea what that something is.
Because of this, I am convinced that my condition might be a little more serious than I suspect. Yes, I suffer from social anxiety, but it seems entirely likely that it is but a part of a bigger picture.
Ive dedicated this entire blog to the subject of social anxiety because I was convinced that it was a single entity – well, certainly the most noticeable. The notion that it could be simply a part of something more powerful scares me.
What are some of the other parts? Well, OCD, depression, and generalized anxiety are certainly part of it.
Is it possible that there is an all encompassing illness that can be defined given these symptoms? Or am I simply a multi-phobic personality who thinks that social anxiety is my only problem?
Anyway, enough of that – Ill continue writing about my progress in conversation techniques in my next post. I also hope to increase my posting rate now that summer is over.