Anxiety Can Ruin Your Appearance
If you suffer from social anxiety disorder, chances are, your anxiety is written all over your face. Personally, I always try to hide it, but this becomes impossible in some social situations. Most people don’t really know what anxiety looks like, therefore, they are more likely to regard me as an anti-social, pissed-off, mean, cruel, little man - obviously someone to avoid.
This is a huge problem. In fact, it is one of the biggest problems we face as sufferers of social anxiety. Without a super-human effort, it is difficult to come off as friendly and relaxed. Behind the scenes, our minds are racing – worrying about how we look, what people are thinking of us, and what we are going to say next. Add to this, a little voice telling us how much we suck at everything, and there is no way to pretend everything is fine.
Of course, I’m speaking for myself. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve as they say. My facial expression doesn’t lie – if I’m anxious, it will be quite obvious.
To further complicate things, people usually react negatively to my “anxiety face” and this, in turn, causes more distress in my mind. Ultimately, this causes more anxiety and, hence, a more troubled look. I have been in situations where I’ve had to leave after succumbing to this runaway effect.
After all the progress I’ve made, I still end up like this sometimes. Unfortunately, the only solution is to make a quick exit. There is no way I can fake a friendly, carefree appearance unless I am truly happy. My emotions will always dictate my expression.
The good news is that my emotional state is improving when I’m around people and I have noticed that the runaway effect can also work in reverse. If I start off feeling good, I tend to smile and have a friendlier disposition. People pick up on this quickly and they react positively towards me. That positive feedback enhances my good mood and I get to a point where I’m almost impervious to any social negativity that comes my way.
I have experienced this many times lately, so I know there is something to it.
I believe the turning point came after a few years of social exposures. I failed and stumbled a lot at first, but somehow I managed to get a foothold. I could sense a little boost in self-esteem after a while and I was also able to handle negativity a little better. A thicker skin, if you will.
What’s the significance of all this? Well, with my little boost in self-esteem, I was able to smile a little more and things didn’t get to me as quickly. I was less likely to be wearing my “anxiety face” in public and, because of this, I was accepted by others.
The hardest part about getting to this point is that I have gone through a lot of embarrassing and terrifying social exposures to toughen up and boost my fragile self-esteem. However, every time I screwed up and made a fool of myself, I knew I was a step closer to a normal life. I’m not saying that you should dive in with your eyes closed, hoping for the best, but I don’t know if there is any other way to get started. At least, for me, nothing else seemed to work.
6 Responses to “Anxiety Can Ruin Your Appearance”
I can relate to this. Posture is my biggest problem. I always walk round with my head down and shoulders forward.
Dealing with Social Anxiety is always slow to improve but being dilligent definitely helps.
Every successful gathering goes far.
For every unsuccessful gathering, take something positive out of it. And next time, work specifically on that one thing. It works because you feel like you’re trying and the pressure is reduced because you know its a long road.
I’m always surprised when someone tells me how hard it is for them to see my anxiety, even in situations where I feel like I’m about to pass out or literally crawl into a corner. I’ve slowly come to realize that the way I feel inside is in no way related to how I look or even sound. In the beginning I had trouble accepting that, and I probably still do. But realizing that I can come across as confident even when I’m not, has in turn helped me to become more confident.
Observing how people react to your appearance without expecting them to react negatively probably helps.
I can totally relate to what you’re saying. Before I knew anything about Social Anxiety, I couldn’t understand why people took my “uncomfortableness” as being mean and angry. That totally wasn’t the case and made me even more depressed and hurt that they would think this about me. I feel and look so uncomfortable around people and they inturn dislike me for this. Everyting that you wrote about how anxiety can ruin you appearance is me to a tee. I don’t know what to do. It’s like I can’t maintain a “comfortable” demeanor. It depends on my level of comfort at any moment of the day. I start to think negatively and it’s over. People call me crazy and it hurts like hell! But I really can’t blame them. If you don’t have social anxiety or have a good understanding of what it is, you are going to think that way. I just wish I could get rid of this. It’s not fair. I would rather be physically challenged in some way and be mentally normal. People are more understanding and forgiving when it’s a “problem” that they can see. You can’t “see” social anxiety unless you experience it.
Excellent post. And so true. When I was having an anxiety attack it was definately written all over my face and worse, it made me feel like everyone was staring at me.
I’m glad to find a site like this. Most of the sites I googled weren’t so helpful. I relate especially to people thinking you look pissed-off and mean. On top of that I have what can best be described as a nervous tick which causes me to sneer or stare intensely. The worst thing about this is that the more I don’t want it to happen the more likely it does happen. So of course it happens more when I want to talk to attractive girls or interview for a job. Does anybody else have this problem?
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