Lack of Social Life
Social anxiety disorder has left me with a complete lack of social life (talk about stating the obvious).
Ok, that is an understatement. I only mention it because it’s really something that I regret ever experiencing. Even though I have suffered through SA my entire life, I’ve always, secretly, wished for a decent circle of friends and some sort of social life.
While that may sound contrary to my basic introverted personality type, it is high on my list of things I want to resolve in the near future. I look at it as a natural evolution from the improvements I’ve made over the past few years – the next step, if you will.
It’s no fun being alone. Ok, maybe there are a few individuals that truly enjoy solitude, but I’m willing to bet that the majority of people (those suffering from social anxiety) wish they had more friends and any social life at all. I think it’s a basic human need, regardless of whether you are outgoing and confident, or introverted and timid.
The depressing part is that it seems as though everyone has a massive circle of friends and a full social calendar. Well, at least that’s the way it appears on the surface. From the moment I leave for work in the morning, to when I get home at night, I sense that every person I come into contact with has got a smoking social life.
As an example: Everyone at work gets the odd personal call – some get more than their share. If I accidentally overhear a conversation, it’s usually someone making plans with the person on the other end of the phone.
I don’t have anyone phoning me. It’s obvious that I lack any social life at all, and it’s a little embarrassing. I’m sure that by now they all realize that I am not the most sociable person - and the fact that I’m the only one that doesn’t get personal calls simply confirms that.
Outside of work, I sense the underlying social structure all around me. No one seems to be alone - seriously. Everyone seems to be going somewhere or doing something – or at least, they always have something scheduled for the weekend. This really makes me uncomfortable. Am I really that misaligned from the rest of society?
OK, enough negativity. It’s obvious that the only person that can change things, is me. No one is going to hand me anything on a silver platter. If I want a social life, I’ve got to go and get one.
There is one thing that is hard to get over, though. It has to do with the fact that if I’m so out of touch with what is deemed to be a normal social life; can I bounce back from that? In other words, am I too far gone?
Also, how does a middle-aged guy go about establishing a brand new circle of friends? Most people my age are married and would not want to hang out with a single guy. It would have certainly been easier starting something like this years ago - But, better late than never, as they say.
More importantly, what methods could I use to get the ball rolling? What are the first steps? How does one just go and get an instant social life?
Well, that’s just it: you don’t. The only way to go about this is slowly and deliberately.
4 Responses to “Lack of Social Life”
I relate to much of what you say and I don’t feel so alone after reading your posts. Thank you!
This is like Deja-Vu. I must tell you though, as OFF as this may sound, you should look into some of the teachings of Eckart Tolle. Listening to the teaching (book on tape) has been a Godsend. That whole message of “you get back what you put out into the universe” has hit home with me. baby steps out of SA through thinking less and living in the moment have proved to be prosperous. Maybe you would find interest in this, or at least maybe find comfort. I reccomend “A New Earth.” and truly listen. Even his voice has extreem calming effects on the psyche. I hope you find some inner peace, and can quiet the thoughts that consume you. I am enjoying the site, and am about to do a public speech on SAD. You have a great way of communicating to the general population, maybe writing is in your future?
I rarely feel like I actually don’t have a life, I mean, I’m active, I have hobbies, I’m married, I work, I’m generally very happy. But then someone asks me, “What do you and your friends like to do?”
Umm… let me get back to you on that.
Being married or single doesn’t have much to do with having a life, I guess. Just makes a non-life more bearable.
Wow, you hit it on the nail how I feel as well. I seem to be student #37 out of a 37 person class. Whenever the teachers say to form groups, I always have to wallow around, and others seem to know each other and easily form their groups. No class I’ve been in has been evenly divided, as fate would have it. I used to have a circle of friends before I moved in 3rd grade to a new city. It must be because It’s easier to grow into a group than to force my way in (in 3rd grade, groups were already established at my new school). But then I get mad when the “new kid” actually makes his or her way into school society and I’m still left out. That always happens; for instance, in High School, there are people who came from Maryland in freshman year who have become accepted and comfortable around people I’ve seen since 3rd grade here. I just want to get treatment for SAD and then, I’ll restart my social life in College, hopefully. I hope for the best to the people I’ve seen but never talked to in 9 years, but honestly, I’m tired of them.
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