Conversation Starters - Everyone Has Their Insecurities
Deep down, I’m not really any different than the average person. It’s taken me a long time to be able to see this. After spending most of my life feeling like no one could ever be as strange, quiet, and anxious as I was, I now realize that I’m not so far off the mark when it comes to having an average personality.
We all have our idiosyncrasies – that’s part of being human, I suppose. In fact, I consider myself lucky sometimes – it could be worse. Really, it could be.
Having forced myself into mainstream society, I can now say, with confidence, that we all have our hang-ups. I’ve had conversations with so-called extroverts, only to find out that they suffer from the same insecurities we all do. I’ve learned that low self-esteem is often shared with introverts and extroverts alike – it just manifests itself in different ways.
From the conversation based exposures, I’ve discovered that most people really are insecure. In the past, I’d always assume that I was the problem. If people ignored me, it was something personal. If I was excluded, it was because they couldn’t stand me. If there was a lull in the conversation, it was because I was too deficient to carry a simple conversation like a normal person.
But one of the biggest secrets I’ve discovered is: “Most people are waiting for someone else to make the first move.” I really should tape that to the mirror where I’ll see it every morning.
The difference between not speaking (and missing a great opportunity) and engaging someone in meaningful conversation is often a matter of forcing out the first few words. I used to worry that if I made the first move, I’d be rejected or that, somehow, it put me at a disadvantage when the conversation did happen. This does not matter in the grand scheme of things.
So what if I have to make the first move? To me, that just shows how courageous I can be, and how far I’ve come. I always feel the better man for it.
Well, you might ask, what about real extroverts? Ok, now here is what I’ve found: True, there are those individuals that are so confident and stuck on themselves that none of this seems to apply to them. But, they are only a minority – and most of them are at least approachable.
In fact, I’ve never encountered anyone that refused to talk to me, or ignored me, because they thought I was not worth their time. Granted, some seemed to quickly get rid of me after some superficial small-talk, but again, this was not the norm.
No, the fact of the matter is that most people, even the ones that look miserable and unapproachable, will warm up after a few words are exchanged. I would venture to guess that I used to have that miserable, unapproachable look about me. Being almost paralyzed with fear and anxiety will do that to a person, I suppose.
And that reminds me of another very strange finding: When I first started this forced conversation experiment, I was convinced that no one wanted to speak to me. I was always the first to say hello and initiate conversation. I found this depressing because it felt as though no one wanted to talk to me, and that I was just being a nuisance by saying hello first.
However, after a few months, I noticed that I didn’t always have to make the first move. People slowly started making an effort to talk to me first. Was it because I simply didn’t notice their efforts before (being mired in self-pity and negativity), or was there a genuine “warming up”, so to speak?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that because of the positive experiences I’ve had lately, perhaps I look a little more approachable. Hmm…you never know.
Despite any progress I’ve made, I accept the fact that I am still shyer than the average person. However, I do not accept the fact that I have nothing to offer, that I have to settle for a mediocre life, that I cannot engage people in a positive way and brighten someone’s day, and that I don’t deserve to have a group of close friends.
We all have the right to a fulfilling life.
3 Responses to “Conversation Starters - Everyone Has Their Insecurities”
I just started blogging a few weeks ago. I realized that I have social anxiety disorder about a month ago. I didn’t know it really had a name. I thought that I was shy. I know now that It’s so much more. I really want to talk and share about it with people like me but I’ve had a hard time finding blogs about social phobia and nobody has even commented on my blog
I’m reaching out.
Jayne
Everyone has insecurities, yes. I’ve personally experienced this while encountering people. Most of the time they’ll get aggressive and defensive about them, like they need to hide it in order to appear like the norm. Don’t.
However, the greatest courage lies in putting up with these insecurities and fighting them, not accepting them. Wage war on them and fix yourself.
I believe that it is any humans responsibility, no, a duty even, to eradicate these flaws in order to become a more perfect being.
Another thing: Never let them see you bleed. Once they know the path to pain, they have power over you.
Personal insecurities are the result of social anxiety disorder which stems from the lack of self confidence. People seem to suffer from an inferiority complex, which is the root cause behind feeling insecure in a social setting. It is important for suffers to understand that nobody is perfect and everyone has strenghts and weakness. The problem is most people concentrate more on their weakness than on their strengths. More negative throughts automatically draws negative things towards you. It is important to remember that everyone has certain arrtibutes in themselves that others don’t. So find those differentiators and make them your identity instead of making your shortcomings your identity.
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