An obvious way to meet other singles is the bar scene. Well, unless you suffer from social anxiety, that is. Personally, I shy away from singles bars because my anxiety completely overwhelms me. And Im not talking about just a little here – its full-fledged panic.
Dont get me wrong, Im sure its effective if you have the right personality and approach it in a positive way. In fact, you could do quite well due to sheer numbers.
Unfortunately, unless you have something going for you (looks, confidence, winning personality), theres not much chance that youll meet anyone. Competition is fierce and if you cant make the first move or somehow draw attention to yourself, youll just settle into the background as an observer and nothing more.
Note: Im obviously writing this from a guys perspective.
Though I havent been to a singles bar in years, Im sure little has changed. The bottom line is that even if you do make a connection with someone, you have only minutes to make a good impression. Sometimes thats hard to do in a noisy bar if you are soft-spoken like me.
And thats assuming that you talk to anyone at all. Its hardly the kind of place where a very average looking guy can have women approach him. Why would they? Whats in it for them – honestly?
Its hard to be in this position and keep a positive attitude. Its so easy to resent the single women that seem to want nothing to do with me. I avoid bars now because I know exactly how it will turn out.
Heres a typical outing:
Ill start the night with a little optimism (it will only go downhill from there). Usually, Ill be with another male friend and well order drinks at the bar. Ill sit there and try to appear cool while surveying the room, but deep down I know my anxiety is obvious to anyone that should look my way.
Forcing a smile, I try to keep up with my friend as he starts to chat up a few people. I try my best to merge into conversations and appear at least semi-normal; however, people dont seem to be interested in me as no one talks directly to me – just my friend.
As the night wears on, my accomplice has long since ditched me and Im left sitting at the bar, drinking too many beer, and observing everyone else laughing, talking and having a great time.
What an awful feeling it is to be in a crowded room of happy people and to be entirely ignored, excluded, and forgotten. Honestly, at times Ive felt alien to the entire human race.
Ive experienced this on numerous occasions so I know that it is not a one-off.
Realistically, I should really learn to cut myself a break. The bar scene is probably the worst place to be if you suffer from social anxiety. So the fact that I even gave it a chance makes me feel a little better.
But what really helps is that now I know its nothing to do with me personally. The problem lies in the way I project myself in public, how I view myself, and how I misinterpret people and situations.
The rest of the world is not inherently wicked; its the way I choose to view it.