Shy And Quiet

An obvious way to meet other singles is the bar scene. Well, unless you suffer from social anxiety, that is. Personally, I shy away from singles bars because my anxiety completely overwhelms me. And I’m not talking about just a little here – its full-fledged panic.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s effective if you have the right personality and approach it in a positive way. In fact, you could do quite well due to sheer numbers.

Unfortunately, unless you have something going for you (looks, confidence, winning personality), there’s not much chance that you’ll meet anyone. Competition is fierce and if you can’t make the first move or somehow draw attention to yourself, you’ll just settle into the background as an observer and nothing more.

Note: I’m obviously writing this from a guy’s perspective.

Though I haven’t been to a singles bar in years, I’m sure little has changed. The bottom line is that even if you do make a connection with someone, you have only minutes to make a good impression. Sometimes that’s hard to do in a noisy bar if you are soft-spoken like me.

And that’s assuming that you talk to anyone at all. It’s hardly the kind of place where a very average looking guy can have women approach him. Why would they? What’s in it for them – honestly?

It’s hard to be in this position and keep a positive attitude. It’s so easy to resent the single women that seem to want nothing to do with me. I avoid bars now because I know exactly how it will turn out.

Here’s a typical outing:

I’ll start the night with a little optimism (it will only go downhill from there). Usually, I’ll be with another male friend and we’ll order drinks at the bar. I’ll sit there and try to appear cool while surveying the room, but deep down I know my anxiety is obvious to anyone that should look my way.

Forcing a smile, I try to keep up with my friend as he starts to chat up a few people. I try my best to merge into conversations and appear at least semi-normal; however, people don’t seem to be interested in me as no one talks directly to me – just my friend.

As the night wears on, my accomplice has long since ditched me and I’m left sitting at the bar, drinking too many beer, and observing everyone else laughing, talking and having a great time.

What an awful feeling it is to be in a crowded room of happy people and to be entirely ignored, excluded, and forgotten. Honestly, at times I’ve felt alien to the entire human race.

I’ve experienced this on numerous occasions so I know that it is not a one-off.

Realistically, I should really learn to cut myself a break. The bar scene is probably the worst place to be if you suffer from social anxiety. So the fact that I even gave it a chance makes me feel a little better.

But what really helps is that now I know it’s nothing to do with me personally. The problem lies in the way I project myself in public, how I view myself, and how I misinterpret people and situations.

The rest of the world is not inherently wicked; it’s the way I choose to view it.