There was a time in my life that I was convinced Id never be able to attract, let alone date, a woman – any woman. I suppose a lot of that had to do with the actual effort I was putting forth, but the few times I did try to get to know someone romantically, I failed miserably. In fact, I expected to fail – I was setup for it.
While I knew that I wasnt the greatest looking guy around, I would have still thought Id be able to manage setting up a simple date. After all, there are a lot of average looking guys around that seem to do ok in that department. What was I missing?
Well, as it turns out, I was basically giving out negative vibes. The low opinion I had of myself along with a general lack of confidence mirrored itself to the outside world for all to see. Certainly, I had self-esteem issues and problems with confidence, but Id always assumed that I was capable of hiding those feelings pretty well when it came down to it – I couldnt have been more wrong.
Amazingly, through all of this, I did manage to experience some dating success. Some women actually stuck around in spite of things. Sadly, Im sure that I missed out on a few great opportunities – and may have actually lost my chance for a serious relationship with someone special – all because they couldnt get over those first impressions.
But, hey, thats human nature. I dont fault anyone for it. In fact Im sure that I also tend to read people and make judgements quickly.
What I failed to realize was how acute our senses are when meeting people. We interpret information in many ways, and on many levels – some of which we may not even be aware of. Yet we form solid opinions based upon this intuitive, subliminal, subconscious information.
Based on this, I no longer take it personally when I am rejected by a woman (or anyone, for that matter). They cant help the impression that is formed during the first few seconds of meeting me. Furthermore, I doubt that most of us are intentionally cruel in our evaluation of others – its just human nature.
One big step Ive taken is to turn things around and instead of being resentful of women who reject me; I look at what impression I gave them to arrive at such a conclusion. I try to put myself in their shoes and imagine meeting me for the first time.
Have I had any success with changing my outward personality? Sure, but it is a long and hard road. In many ways, the positive change in my appearance is a direct result of the work Ive been doing to improve my social anxiety problem.
Who would think that all this would be so closely intertwined?