Life is not a one-way street.
Ive printed this sentence out and taped it to the wall beside my computer. I read it several times a day, as it reminds me of one of the most important laws of social interaction and happiness. Up until recently, I didnt really know it even existed.
Heres my theory on this, but keep in mind that it has no relevance to anyone but me. Well, you might find a little (a lot of) relevance to your own situation – but were all different.
The biggest break-though Ive made in the past few years is realizing that I can easily affect the world around me through my own actions – both in a positive and a negative manner. Up until now, I was convinced that I was simply a victim of a cruel society and that there seemed to be some unseen force steering me towards failure, misery, loneliness, and despair. I was at the receiving end of all that crap and I couldnt, for the life of me, figure out why – What had I done? Sorry, thats depressing – keep reading, it gets better.
The victim mentality is so easy to assume because it explains every injustice forced upon me by society. Im being treated like this because I am a victim and for no other reason. Its not my fault because society is inherently cruel, unreasonable, and unforgiving.
This served me well throughout my life. All the teasing I endured as a child, the loneliness, the exclusion, feeling like an alien in social situations – this was all due to the fact that society disliked me – as unfair and unreasonable as that was. Bottom line: Society had the problem, not me.
Well, actually, thats not entirely true. Deep, deep down, I always assumed that there was something inherently distasteful about me as a person that caused my problems with other people.
Now, here is the thing: I simply took it as blind faith that I was unappealing, different, unworthy of friendship, and un-likeable. I didnt stop to wonder why – I just was. There was no way to remedy this; it was set in stone and I had to accept my lot in life.
Ive recently discovered that I am a little more responsible for my problems than I thought – and its not because Im a loser, Im unattractive, or some other abstract, intangible, unchangeable, negative characteristic.
Its because of the feedback I give back to people and society. Its the way I interact with others. Its the image I project, the words I say (or dont say), the facial expressions I use, the body language I use, and the vibes I give out – Nothing more – nothing less.
Hopefully that made sense. Ill be writing much more in the coming days.