Change Your Mood - Change Your Appearance
If you suffer from moderate to severe social anxiety, the very idea of changing your outward appearance can seem overwhelming. Yet, in my case, I knew that, deep down; I was not helping my cause by appearing so unapproachable.
The real problem was that I was caught in something I call the social anxiety loop. I felt bad about myself, and as a result, I was sending out a negative image. People picked up on this and reciprocated in kind. In other words, they treated me in a “hands off” fashion. This included being ignored, excluded, and treated differently than others. Of course, this further fueled the negative beliefs I had about myself and I felt even worse – and on it went…
As you can see, the problem went a little deeper than my negative outward image; it was at the root of my struggle with social anxiety, period.
The longer I was caught in this loop, the more I despised society, in general, and blamed others for the way I felt. I hated the way I was treated by extroverted, outgoing individuals, and I was jealous of anyone that was not feeling as depressed as I was. Can you imagine the impression I gave people when I was going through that?
I did have my good days, mind you. There were moments when I felt almost normal. It was during those times that I noticed how easily I got alone with others and how a simple smile and friendly demeanour paved the way to acceptance by society. I couldn’t forecast these happy moods; they just appeared. Perhaps it was a random change in brain chemistry.
That’s why I like to preach about the power of projecting a positive image – It can literally make or break it for you, socially. Unfortunately, in my case, I had to go with the flow and live with my mood changes. I tried, without success, to “think” my way into a better mood (and, thus, a better image), but had zero success. I’m one of those people that show emotion easily. My true mood was always reflected perfectly in my outward image.
I can tell you that it didn’t take much to get me feeling bad about myself. Any negative experience would trigger it – especially the actions of others. Heck, most times I would blow a harmless comment out of proportion and the other person wouldn’t even have a clue that they’d said anything to upset me.
So, short of filling a prescription for happy pills, how could I use this knowledge to my advantage? Well, that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?
Still, I do what I can. Knowing how this works is a little encouraging. Even though I cannot control my moods yet, I’m training myself to become more aware of how I am feeling and the image I am most likely projecting in public. I don’t try to fight it; instead, I work with it by tailoring my outings according to what mood I’m in.
If I’m feeling down, I avoid social interactions that have a high likelihood of failure. At the same time, if I’m feeling upbeat, I try my best to take on some tougher exposures. I have yet to experience any negativity from people if I’m smiling and in a good mood. I suppose it’s all about starting off on the right foot and not poisoning the situation with bad vibes.
I honestly wish there were some way to switch it on and off at will – wouldn’t that be great? Actors do it all the time – and very convincingly, I might add. Maybe I just have to try a little harder. After all, it’s not like I’d have to fake a good mood all day – just enough to get those good vibrations flowing and then let nature take its course.
7 Responses to “Change Your Mood - Change Your Appearance”
As indicated in a previous comment, I have recently stumbled upon this excellent website. I really enjoy reading both your posts and the comments of your readers. I too suffer from SA and find it difficult to speak with anyone about it. Aside from this and a few other sites, there is very little practical info/advice on this issue. Both bookstores and libraries alike have many books on “self-help” issues, but, many dance around this issue. I think your writing is so good that you should write a book on Social Anxiety; you have both an excellent understanding about the issue and an abilitiy to write well. Thank-you again and I hope you continue to write and keep this site active.
So friggin’ true! gosh, I wish there was a secret formula to fix this. My question is what if you are constantly in a bad mood? I end up avoiding a lot social interactions that I should participate in and then become more depressed because I feel like such a loser.
Hi Jo,
Yep, that is a tough one. I know exactly what you mean. Would forcing yourself to attend these social functions, regardless of your mood, help? In my case, it did not help. Everyone is different, however.
A few years ago, I was in this same negative cycle. My good moods were few and far between, and I avoided all social interaction. It took a fair amount of therapy to finally start seeing some good days. I took advantage of these and milked them for all they were worth. Eventually, my positive experiences started to out-weigh the negative and I noticed my good moods appearing more frequently.
I suppose the bottom line is that if you are in a constant “bad mood,” you might want to seek therapy as I did. Though I was skeptical at first, I did benefit from it immensely. There is no shame in seeking help - especially for a serious disorder like this.
Good luck,
Drew
Hi Kirsten,
Thanks for the kind words, and I’m glad you find the site useful.
Social anxiety is probably one of the least understood disorders and unless you have first hand experience with it, it’s sometimes hard to understand it. It’s obvious that many books out there are generic in nature and that the author is not a fellow sufferer. Having said that, there are some that are quite good. I would go to Amazon and get a few titles, then do a Google search for any feedback that others have posted.
Personally, I would love to write a book on the subject, but unfortunately, I don’t have any professional qualifications. Some would take a dim view on an “ordinary Joe” doling out advice on a mental health condition. I always stress that anything I write about on this blog is strictly my own experience and opinion, and nothing more.
Maybe it’s not too late to become a psychologist. Hmm…
Very very interesting article - I love it. Thanks for providing with such an interesting resource. I’ve bookmarked your blog, and hope you’ll post some more articles ASAP.
You had it in your post, the power of projecting a positive image can make it or break it for you. If youre positive to people, people will like you and accept you therefore youll continue to be positive aournd those people. Its a cycle and the opposite is the same for projecting a negative image. This is what ive gotten from your story and it has been helpful for me. Thanks for being brave enoug to post this.
hey whats up.
im a high school student and i to suffer from SA. and whats worse is that i have to do a play in less than a month in front of a whole grade. so i know what your goin through. im so bad i sometimes even have trouble talking to some of my best friends and even my girlfriend. except when we’re on the phone, then i dont ever have a problem. so i guess that that goes along with what was said in the article, your apperance influences a lot of the way you act. i really need to get some help, i’v tried what worked in the article and it doesn’t work for me. i nee something else. well class is ending, later.
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