Can You Influence How People Perceive You?
Here’s an interesting theory. If you had told me about this five years ago, I would’ve laughed to myself and dismissed it within a second.
I’ve always been very interested in self-help books. You might even say I’m a little addicted to them. One thing I’ve become very interested in lately is the notion that what you think will become your reality. In other words, if you believe you are inferior to others, that will become your reality, and others will begin to see you in exactly this way.
If you feel inferior around other people, you will begin to be viewed as exactly that – Inferior. If you think you are ugly, you will begin to influence other people into believing you are ugly also. The same goes for any negative trait.
If you feel like a failure, you will fail. If you believe you are doomed to a life of disappointment and scarcity, you will remain stuck in that exact situation.
I consider myself a pretty logical person and theories like this, in my view, don’t really have enough real evidence behind them. I mean, how is it possible that I can think myself into the situations I most want to avoid? How can I physically influence someone else’s thoughts by my own negative thoughts?
My immediate reaction to this was that I created this reality by misinterpreting signals from other people. In other words, if I felt ugly, I would interpret the feedback I got from other people in a negative way – I would sense that they thought I was ugly also (when, in fact, they didn’t). Of course, this would only be in my own mind.
However, over the past few years, I’m not so sure that it’s as black and white as that. I’ve been very careful to be as perceptive as possible while I’m out in public. In almost every case, when I am feeling substandard in some way, I am treated differently by everyone I come into contact with. I don’t know if this has more to do with my facial expressions and general “look,” but I definitely notice a difference.
If I’m feeling attractive and I’m talking to a woman, I almost always feel that they are attracted to me by what they say and their body language. This isn’t my imagination, I’ve experienced it many times. Conversely, if my self-image is down in the dumps and I’m feeling unattractive, I don’t feel that they are attracted to me at all. In fact, I feel as though they are repulsed by me and are looking for an excuse to break away.
Is this my imagination? Is my interpretation system out of whack? Or am I actually affecting how people view me? Are women less attracted to me because I feel less attractive?
All of this seems pretty far-fetched, but there is definitely something going on on a whole other level. I just wish I knew what it was.
4 Responses to “Can You Influence How People Perceive You?”
Body language, the true communicator.
No, I think you are exactly right. I have noticed precisely the same thing. There’s an enrergy and vibe that you give off to other people that either says “I’m confident and attractive” or “I’m inferior and ugly”. People can sense what you feel about yourself… and thus view you accordingly. It’s like unspoken, subconscious language.
I agree with your post and do not think it is illogical or far fetched at all.
I experience this and agree with this totally.
I’ve talked about this with a close ‘mentoring’ friend - though maybe not quite the same, her take on this is ’self fulfilling prophecies’: I feel inferior / socially incompetent and therefore expect people to treat me as inferior / dislike me / see me as being socially incompetent… therefore I (inadvertently) behave in a way that assumes they already think that, in the way I present myself, my body language, how I do or don’t interact with them. minimise the exposure / damage… so the end result is that I actually give them no other option but to concur with the image that I have presented of myself. And bingo, my self fulfilling prophecy is complete and I am proven to be right in my initial assumptions!
Although being rationally aware of such things, even when I recognise myself when it’s happening, it’s so difficult to break that cycle. “How about when meeting someone for the first time, you assume they’re gonna think you’re amazing….” far easier said than done!!
i dont know actually. i mean… it makes sense in away, the whole body language thing. cayse i usually think of myself as unattractive, then i got a splurge of confidence one day at school, and thought i looked great and i felt great, but people laughed or commented on my looks, bringing me back down again.
but i think that in school they generally see me like that anyway so i an hardly change their minds.
but when im shopping or going somewhere outside i usually try to makes myself feel good by doing my hair nice or whatever, this gives me so much confidence and i actually dont care what people think so i just keep saying over and over in my mind that im ttractive (god this sounds sad) and people respect me more, and smile at me more. but when im in my school uniform or in any other horrible clothes i want to hide and feel like crap, and people kind of stare at me in a negative way and i feel inferior.. i see your point.
if you have any confidence and certainty about something you can influence anyone easily. if someone is assured they look, are, talk great then id probably think wow this is a cool person to be with and automatically like them. timid people who dont talk or think highly of themselves i think, oh they seem nice and sweet but i would also thinkthey dont like me cause they have negative body language…. x
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