Deep down, Im not really any different than the average person. Its taken me a long time to be able to see this. After spending most of my life feeling like no one could ever be as strange, quiet, and anxious as I was, I now realize that Im not so far off the mark when it comes to having an average personality.

We all have our idiosyncrasies - thats part of being human, I suppose. In fact, I consider myself lucky sometimes - it could be worse. Really, it could be. (more…)

I hate making eye contact.

There, now that thats out of the way, Id like to talk about ways to get around this absolutely critical part of non-verbal communication.

Its said that non-verbal communication such as eye contact, body language, and facial expressions pave the way for conversation to take place. In other words, before a word is spoken, there is a whole lot of non-verbal communication going on below the surface. Most of us dont even think about it. (more…)

Society operates according to its own rules when it comes to social interaction. Regardless of how we would like things to function, we, nevertheless, must tailor our approach according to a protocol that has been thousands of years in the making.

And what if we dont conform? Well, Ive personally tried the rebel approach and did my own thing while ignoring the rules. The result was a very lonely, anxious, depressed existence.
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A big part of being a good conversationalist is the ability to listen. Being tuned in to what other people are saying is essential for good two-way communication. People know when they have your undivided attention¦or not. (more…)

Socializing is hard work - at least it is for a guy like me. Perhaps, one day, as I gain more experience, it wont seem so daunting. But for now, each and every social encounter takes a tremendous effort. Yet, where would I be if I didnt try?

Without making an effort, Id never make any progress with my social anxiety at all. For me, effort could mean anything from simply leaving the house, to initiating conversations, to asking a stranger for the time, or returning a friendly gesture (smile). (more…)

Social anxiety disorder has been a problem for me since early childhood, but its only recently that Ive discovered it is the result of bad programming and bad habits. I apologize to anyone that thinks Im over-simplifying matters. As always, Im relating my discussion to my own personal experiences.

Ill talk about bad programming first.
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Social anxiety disorder had won the first round, but I was back to try again. This seemingly insignificant achievement made me proud. In previous years, I would have found a way to get out of there and avoid any further punishment. I would have gone into a full-blown depression for a week or so, running the events through my head hundreds of times - beating myself up for being so weak and pathetic.

However, today was not that day. I felt a surge of confidence simply because I was now able to recover from a negative encounter. I felt a little more mature and capable. Its hard to describe in words, really. (more…)

Walking through the noisy, crowded living room (beer in hand), trying to appear normal, I felt like such a loser. Everyone - and I mean, everyone - seemed to be talking and laughing with someone else. Im ashamed to admit it, but I was so frustrated at that point, I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I crossed the room. I had to get away and compose myself before someone saw me. (more…)

As we entered the living/family room, my boss offered us a drink. He then looked at me and said the strangest thing:

Relax Drew, were all friends here. Youre going to have a great time.

Sort of an odd thing to say, but he does know how quiet I am most of the time. Maybe he saw something in my face that I didnt think was noticeable (fear?). Anyway, my face got a little redder after that comment. I suppose people dont mean any harm with their comments, but I tend to take things too seriously. I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. I was looking forward to a drink or two just to take the edge off. (more…)

Yeah, a sense of belonging can go a long way.

I couldnt believe how much it changed things. After all these years of facing society alone, I finally had someone in my corner. Of course, my co-workers didnt have a clue. Im sure they would have considered that awful strange.

Nevertheless, there I was, standing in the foyer, checking out the people that were already there. I didnt recognize anyone from work; most of the guests were my bosss acquaintances, I guessed. (more…)