Archive for the ‘Conversational skills’ Category

The company Christmas party

Our company Christmas party took place a few weeks ago. I estimate that there were about 80-100 people there. Fortunately, my boss has a huge house so, although there was a large number in attendance, it wasn’t crowded and you still had room to walk around.
The restaurant employs 14 people, including me, so you can [...]

Christmas parties - a true test

The holiday season always provides ample opportunity to practice my social skills, and this year was no different.
In the past few weeks I have attended two such get-togethers and managed to test drive some of my new skills and experiment with some newly developed theories.
One of my goals this year was to let go [...]

Conversation - letting go

As I already mentioned, my inability to communicate effectively with others in conversation is (was), in many ways, tied to my perfectionist traits. After analyzing my deepest fears, I eventually came to the conclusion that I could not tolerate partial success. I could not handle being a mediocre anything.

Conversation - ditching the perfectionist trait

Perfectionism has always been a strong personality trait of mine. This is not necessarily a good thing. Yes, it is very commendable to try and perform to the best of one’s ability, but when it turns into an unhealthy obsession; it’s time to seriously weigh the benefits.

Conversation - real progress is slow

It’s been about a year since I first started working on my conversation technique. As with most things in life, the actual “doing” part was far more difficult, anxious, and downright humiliating, than I could have imagined. Going from thinking to doing is no small feat. I have the utmost respect for anyone with the [...]

Conversation - getting out there

Ok, so now that my approach image was getting better (i.e. I could smile and make eye contact - with a huge amount of effort, mind you), I decided to step up my conversation exposure. There was one small problem though: I had very few opportunities to get out and mingle with people. After all, [...]

Conversation - the “approach” image

I’ve often been told that I have a very serious look. Now, I know there is something to this because I’ve heard it from different (friend and foe) sources throughout my life. Who was to know that there was a lesson to be learned from all the teasing I endured through school? Ironically, had I [...]

Initiating conversation - Pt 2 - moving on

Initiating conversation with total strangers is risky. There is no way you can cover all the variables. In my case, I tend to maintain cautious optimism until I’m certain I’ve figured someone out - keeping the conversation light and my escape route easy. If the individual turns out to be someone I hadn’t counted on, [...]

Initiating conversation - Pt 1

Getting to know people before initiating a conversation is not always practical. More often than not, it is a combination of the person’s appearance and mannerisms combined with a simple gut instinct. There is never really enough time to get to know someone before talking to them. That would require a conversation – quite a [...]

Knowing your audience

A good conversationalist should also be a good listener – and a keen observer. By far, the most important thing about initiating and maintaining a conversation with an individual or group is to know your audience. I’ve found this to be crucial. Unfortunately, there are many of us (introverts and extroverts alike) that miss this [...]