Our company Christmas party took place a few weeks ago. I estimate that there were about 80-100 people there. Fortunately, my boss has a huge house so, although there was a large number in attendance, it wasnt crowded and you still had room to walk around.

The restaurant employs 14 people, including me, so you can assume that I didnt know everyone in attendance (ha). The rest of the party goers consisted of my co-workers spouses, my bosss family, and some of his close friends and neighbors. (more…)

The holiday season always provides ample opportunity to practice my social skills, and this year was no different.

In the past few weeks I have attended two such get-togethers and managed to test drive some of my new skills and experiment with some newly developed theories.

One of my goals this year was to let go of some of my inhibitions and allow myself to be less than perfect. I needed to be able to engage others in conversation without feeling that unnatural need to perform perfectly. This would be going against a 30 year old habit by the way. (more…)

As I already mentioned, my inability to communicate effectively with others in conversation is (was), in many ways, tied to my perfectionist traits. After analyzing my deepest fears, I eventually came to the conclusion that I could not tolerate partial success. I could not handle being a mediocre anything.
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Perfectionism has always been a strong personality trait of mine. This is not necessarily a good thing. Yes, it is very commendable to try and perform to the best of ones ability, but when it turns into an unhealthy obsession; its time to seriously weigh the benefits. (more…)

Its been about a year since I first started working on my conversation technique. As with most things in life, the actual doing part was far more difficult, anxious, and downright humiliating, than I could have imagined. Going from thinking to doing is no small feat. I have the utmost respect for anyone with the courage to take it from the drawing board to the real world. Whether they are successful, or not, is irrelevant. (more…)

Ok, so now that my approach image was getting better (i.e. I could smile and make eye contact – with a huge amount of effort, mind you), I decided to step up my conversation exposure. There was one small problem though: I had very few opportunities to get out and mingle with people. After all, its not like I had a huge social network. At best, I had 2 friends and a few work acquaintances. Well, I did have my family, but they were a little too familiar. Uninhibited conversation came easy with them. I needed more of a challenge. (more…)

Ive often been told that I have a very serious look. Now, I know there is something to this because Ive heard it from different (friend and foe) sources throughout my life. Who was to know that there was a lesson to be learned from all the teasing I endured through school? Ironically, had I really listened to what they were saying, and done something about it, I would have ceased to be a target. (more…)

Initiating conversation with total strangers is risky. There is no way you can cover all the variables. In my case, I tend to maintain cautious optimism until Im certain Ive figured someone out – keeping the conversation light and my escape route easy. If the individual turns out to be someone I hadnt counted on, I politely excuse myself – no harm done. The worst that could happen here is mild embarrassment. (more…)

Getting to know people before initiating a conversation is not always practical. More often than not, it is a combination of the persons appearance and mannerisms combined with a simple gut instinct. There is never really enough time to get to know someone before talking to them. That would require a conversation – quite a paradox. (more…)

A good conversationalist should also be a good listener – and a keen observer. By far, the most important thing about initiating and maintaining a conversation with an individual or group is to know your audience. Ive found this to be crucial. Unfortunately, there are many of us (introverts and extroverts alike) that miss this point altogether. (more…)