Archive for the ‘Coping techniques’ Category

Even bullies have issues

The confrontation at the pub was a one-off – a childish, schoolyard-bully, one-off – very rare in an adult society. Normal, civilized people do not behave in that manner – trust me. However, we do live in a very diverse and unpredictable world, and you never know what’s around the corner.

An unavoidable situation

Anyway, sorry about the long, drawn out story, but I thought I would use it as an example of how unpredictable people can be. Just when you think you have things figured out, you’re making progress, and you feel some sense of normality and hope, something like that comes along and just blows you out [...]

People can be unpredictable - part 3

I was on the verge of making a smart-assed comment – you know – just to redeem myself, but I decided against that. Not that I didn’t feel like saying anything, I just wanted to be able to walk out of the place without getting ambushed in the parking lot. I could also see the [...]

People can be unpredictable - part 2

The stare method works on the premise that all, or most of, the negative feedback in a social situation is false - In other words, created by one’s sub-conscious. It does not work well for situations in which the feedback is real.
Step one in the stare method involves turning off the negative thoughts. It’s not [...]

People can be unpredictable - part 1

The world isn’t always predictable, and the people in it can be even less so.
Let me tell you about a situation in which the stare method did not work. In fact, it caused serious problems and almost got me beat up. This is a good example of why you need to evaluate each situation [...]

Social anxiety and public transit - part 2

I started by blocking out the situation in front of me and concentrating on one of my distractions. In this case, I was thinking about an upcoming trip I was going to take. This proved to be strong enough to interrupt the social anxiety auto-thoughts (although it wasn’t easy). It was almost enough to put [...]

Social anxiety and public transit - part 1

Public transit has always been a real challenge for me. Well, actually, any crowded public place was a challenge, but buses and trains always sent my anxiety through the roof.
I didn’t mind transit vehicles that had all the seats facing forward, but that was rarely the case. Most buses and subways are designed with space [...]

What has “stare” done for me?

What has the stare method done for me? Well, it’s created a bridge to the real world. It’s enabled me to gain real-world positive feedback that has served to re-program my belief-system - and in turn, allowed me to build my self-esteem and confidence.

Making an effort

The final stage in the stare process is Effort – or more accurately, making an effort. In most cases, I never need this step because my problem has been solved at either the “Analyze” or the “Is it reasonable?” stage.
For example:
I feel that I’m being stared at on a public bus. I raise my [...]

Is it reasonable?

After analyzing the social situation, I would have either concluded that the “threat” was real, or a figment of my over-active imagination. Most times it turned out to be false and I skipped a step, going straight to “Making an effort.”
However, if the threat was real (or perceived to be real), I continued on with [...]