Socializing is hard work – at least it is for a guy like me. Perhaps, one day, as I gain more experience, it wont seem so daunting. But for now, each and every social encounter takes a tremendous effort. Yet, where would I be if I didnt try?

Without making an effort, Id never make any progress with my social anxiety at all. For me, effort could mean anything from simply leaving the house, to initiating conversations, to asking a stranger for the time, or returning a friendly gesture (smile). (more…)

Social anxiety disorder has been a problem for me since early childhood, but its only recently that Ive discovered it is the result of bad programming and bad habits. I apologize to anyone that thinks Im over-simplifying matters. As always, Im relating my discussion to my own personal experiences.

Ill talk about bad programming first.
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Social anxiety disorder had won the first round, but I was back to try again. This seemingly insignificant achievement made me proud. In previous years, I would have found a way to get out of there and avoid any further punishment. I would have gone into a full-blown depression for a week or so, running the events through my head hundreds of times – beating myself up for being so weak and pathetic.

However, today was not that day. I felt a surge of confidence simply because I was now able to recover from a negative encounter. I felt a little more mature and capable. Its hard to describe in words, really. (more…)

Walking through the noisy, crowded living room (beer in hand), trying to appear normal, I felt like such a loser. Everyone – and I mean, everyone – seemed to be talking and laughing with someone else. Im ashamed to admit it, but I was so frustrated at that point, I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I crossed the room. I had to get away and compose myself before someone saw me. (more…)

As we entered the living/family room, my boss offered us a drink. He then looked at me and said the strangest thing:

Relax Drew, were all friends here. Youre going to have a great time.

Sort of an odd thing to say, but he does know how quiet I am most of the time. Maybe he saw something in my face that I didnt think was noticeable (fear?). Anyway, my face got a little redder after that comment. I suppose people dont mean any harm with their comments, but I tend to take things too seriously. I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. I was looking forward to a drink or two just to take the edge off. (more…)

Yeah, a sense of belonging can go a long way.

I couldnt believe how much it changed things. After all these years of facing society alone, I finally had someone in my corner. Of course, my co-workers didnt have a clue. Im sure they would have considered that awful strange.

Nevertheless, there I was, standing in the foyer, checking out the people that were already there. I didnt recognize anyone from work; most of the guests were my bosss acquaintances, I guessed. (more…)

Our company Christmas party took place a few weeks ago. I estimate that there were about 80-100 people there. Fortunately, my boss has a huge house so, although there was a large number in attendance, it wasnt crowded and you still had room to walk around.

The restaurant employs 14 people, including me, so you can assume that I didnt know everyone in attendance (ha). The rest of the party goers consisted of my co-workers spouses, my bosss family, and some of his close friends and neighbors. (more…)

My long-term goal is to overcome social anxiety disorder and start living a normal life.

Well¦Duh!

Ok, an overly simplified, but true, statement. Its just too bad that getting there wasnt as simple.

The fact of the matter is that I may never reach that ideal stage – well, at least not without some kind of personality transplant. Its always good to have high hopes and even higher goals, but does that automatically make one a failure unless those goals are reached?

My all-or-nothing mindset says yes, however, Ive learned that it is possible to achieve success without absolutely owning that ultimate goal. Ive learned to accept small achievements and I can see my life improving in ways that I couldnt have imagined.

So, until I can say that Ive beaten this thing, Ill relish my accomplishments along the way. As they say, getting there is half the fun.

Here are 10 things I do to improve my quality of life while I exist (somewhat) harmoniously with social anxiety disorder: (more…)

Social anxiety disorder, for me, is a force to be reckoned with. It has dominated my life for 30+ years, and although Ive managed to develop ways to start living a somewhat normal life, I fear that it will always be there to some extent. (more…)

My last two entries are typical of the problems I encountered while trying to get along with people (groups) back then. Now, Id be lying if I said that I have improved a great deal since; however, the gains I have made feel permanent.

What changed? Well, for one, my approach. After having zero success with a direct, I am defective, therefore I must change strategy, my approach was to work with what I had, rather than try to change who I was. Of course, that meant working around my social anxiety problems.

So, after spending years beating myself up over the way I handled myself in a group, I decided to make a few changes. Here is a list of 10 mistakes (in my opinion) I made that caused people to avoid me, and ultimately led to my social isolation. (more…)