College was a tough time for me. Though I was sure that Id be leaving all my troubles behind once my high school days were over, I was just kidding myself. Things didnt improve much except for the fact that we were treated as adults now. Other than that, I was utterly alone. The only good thing was that the juvenile, school-yard bully tactics were now a thing of the past. (more…)
My last two entries are typical of the problems I encountered while trying to get along with people (groups) back then. Now, Id be lying if I said that I have improved a great deal since; however, the gains I have made feel permanent.
What changed? Well, for one, my approach. After having zero success with a direct, I am defective, therefore I must change strategy, my approach was to work with what I had, rather than try to change who I was. Of course, that meant working around my social anxiety problems.
So, after spending years beating myself up over the way I handled myself in a group, I decided to make a few changes. Here is a list of 10 mistakes (in my opinion) I made that caused people to avoid me, and ultimately led to my social isolation. (more…)
In my last post I wrote about how awful it can feel to be intentionally isolated from a group for no apparent reason. I dont know why this bothers me so much; I suppose being rejected by others is the final proof needed to backup my own paranoid suspicions. Its one thing to suspect that Im a social misfit, but quite another to have it proved in such a manner. Though I was 99% sure that no one wanted me around, there was always that 1% chance that it was all in my head. (more…)
In 1999/2000, I had a good paying job and actually owned a home for a few years. It seems like a lifetime ago, but I can still remember incidents from that period in my life like they happened yesterday. Back then, even though I was doing pretty well financially, I was still a full-blown basket-case when it came to dealing with society. (more…)
Ok, so here is my own interpretation of the situation when it comes to likeability:
I’ve come to the conclusion that, whoever you are, you need to bring something to the table when it comes to social interaction, and in particular, the likeability factor. Simply being the nice guy, going through all the motions, and throwing yourself at the mercy of others, is not going to cut it. (more…)
Is it possible to boost your likeability factor by just being nicer to people? Well, my experience has been yes, and no. Ive had limited success using this principle on its own, so I am convinced that there needs to be something more. What that missing ingredient is, remains as elusive as ever – in my case, anyway. However, I do feel that I might be slowly making sense of it all and starting to see the bigger picture. (more…)
Likeability can be a complicated thing. Personally, there are times (not many, mind you) when everything just seems to click with me. The atmosphere feels right, I feel good, and my personality is on fire. My actions and words seem to bounce off everyone in a favorable manner, and that feedback, in turn, gives me the confidence to ride out this bit of good fortune. I feel my likeability soar. (more…)
So, what is your likeability factor?
Im borrowing a term from a gentleman by the name of Tim Sanders. Tim has written a book called The likeability factor, and also has a website: http://www.timsanders.com/. I plan to read the book at some point; however reading a short intro from the site got me thinking about what it takes to increase your likeability. Is it even possible to increase your likeability? (more…)
