How to Conquer Social Anxiety

Warm greetings to everyone who reads this blog, my name is Vladimir, and Im the new owner of shyandquiet.com. I will be blogging about my own social anxiety experiences from now on. Drew has decided that he will dedicate more of his time blogging about other things, now that he is recovering from social anxiety, and so he passed this blog on to me.

Ive had social anxiety for ten years, since I came to United States from Russia. The cause of my social anxiety was the new language - I was unable to express myself the way I would in my native language so I became isolated from the rest of people and never really became adapted to the new environment. To this very day, I still think there is something terribly wrong with the way I speak, despite a lot of people telling me that my voice sounds just fine. My social anxiety has diminished a lot since I started a healthier life about two and a half months ago and Im on my way to recovery. It will be a pleasure sharing and blogging about my social anxiety with the rest of the world and hopefully I will be able to give hope and inspire anyone who thinks they cant overcome social anxiety.

I have also started video blogging about my social anxiety on youtube.com and you can check out my videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/VladimirRussianDude

In 2002, (as social anxiety tightened its grip on every aspect of my life) I quit my high paying, corporate job out of desperation. It wasnt a decision that I made lightly - after all, this was my career and my livelihood. I was employed by that company for 4 years. Once the deed was done, I felt completely lost - as though Id just made the biggest mistake of my life. Yet, deep down, I somehow knew that the decision was the right one. (more…)

Since leaving my corporate job a few years ago, Ive managed to fine tune my life to the point where Im relatively happy. Looking back, I can see how much the rat-race was harming me, and how anxious and fearful every day was. I doubt that Ill ever regret the decision to resign, even though, at the time, it seemed like I was giving up and letting my social anxiety win. (more…)

Why did my smile look so unnatural? Initially, I thought it might have been my warped self-perception kicking in, but after careful scrutiny, I came to the conclusion that my friendly look was, in fact, very scary looking - and that was the harsh reality. It was unnatural because it was not genuine. I didnt feel like smiling so it came off as completely fake. Others would have noticed this artificial smirk and I would have been dismissed as just some sort of weirdo. (more…)

The incubation stage was very low-key. There was very little pressure here, so it was actually enjoyable in many ways. In fact, the reason this level even existed, was so that I could let loose, mix it up, experiment, fall down, and then do it all over - All this in a very safe environment. (more…)

I woke up the next morning determined to make a difference. Realizing how much of my life had been wasted (especially the last year), I felt a sense of urgency to try to get things sorted. I was hitting my mid thirties, time was running out, and I could not allow social anxiety disorder to steal any more of my life. (more…)

The problem in having to deal with the rest of the world was that I had little or no control over things. Life just went along its merry way regardless of what I did. I had little influence.

Most of the time, I was in over my head (or at least thats how it felt). I felt ill equipped to deal with anything other than the most basic situations. I was always so anxiety ridden that I didnt have a chance to stop and analyze things. Had I been able to do this, I would have interpreted things a little differently - Im sure of this. I was so worried about how I looked and acted, and of how I appeared to others, that I was just a freaked out bundle of nerves -and I know this was noticeable to others. (more…)

Most self-help books and tapes advocate the slow approach - and after several failed exposure attempts, I knew that it would also be mine. However, it would have to be more than that - I would not only have to start slow, but Id have to create a small, customised and controlled environment - and have total control over it in the beginning. This would be a challenge, since life does happen, and not always according to plan. (more…)

Once again, I was back at square one. I needed a starting point and some sort of plan. Anything would do for now, as long as it got me moving - I could tweak it later. The last six months had not been a total waste. I learned a lot about myself. For example, I could waste a lot of time doing nothing unless I actually forced myself into action. (more…)

I eventually came to the conclusion that, although there were many people concerned about my well-being, it was ultimately my responsibility to take control of my life. No one was going to do this for me. I couldnt just sit back and have my ideal life unfold in front of me - but wouldnt it be great if it happened? Imagine a successful, social phobia free existence without lifting a finger! (more…)